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OPINION: YG Was So Good He Blew My Dick and Balls Clean Off

 

Wow! What a year to be a Gaucho! First we tie with Cal Poly in a nail-biting double overtime game at Harder, and on Saturday YG came all over us and performed songs. Golly Gee! Going to the concert is going to be so much fun. I have heard that sometimes Flatbush Zombies are so hype that they’ll have sex with students after the show sometimes. Talk about good performers! There is no doubt about it: YG was so great at rap that he may be the first Halloween rapper to have blasted your balls and/or clitoris irreversibly off your body.

YG is the first in a long line of rappers to perform at UCSB for Halloween. First it was Snoop Dogg, then it was Flatbush Zombies, and who can forget about Fitz and the Tantrums? I can’t. Certainly not with how fire their bars were. Even though a lot of us were blown away at Extravaganza last year by famous rap duo Rae Sremmurd and Odesza, this year was so great that many UCSB students went home with smiles on our faces and our schlongs, or our vaginas, nowhere to be found. Eventually we will find them, but after we put them back on it won’t be the same as before.

Good lord what an experience that was! I have never had my penis or my ovaries taken and hurtled over forty yards to a basket where firemen waiting with open arms will take them and ship them off to wherever they need to go. It is similar to Eminem’s concert tactic where he will yell until your ears bleed and then force you to shout “Stand up Slim Shady!” until he feels you have earned his trust. Luckily, Eminem did not perfrom. YG performed. And if you liked having your penis or lady hole attached to your body then I have advice for you about future YG concerts: Don’t go! You will lose your private parts as well as your ability to ever raise children. In the grand scheme of things, is that really worth seeing a totally kick-ass, reproductive-system-removing show?

Yes. It absolutely is. So if you went to the concert this weekend, I hope you held your balls tight and taped your urethras shut because YG  put on one hell of a set.

Shacking: are you a shacker? Do you sleep with people for their air conditioning? 

 

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