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Ranking the 5 Most Unnecessary Features of UCSB Architecture

Have you ever strolled by some random-ass building and have just been like “what the fuck were the architects thinking?” Well, here at the Black Sheep, we sure as hell have. Someone needs to tell the administration that our campus planners are either taking art classes from Picasso or they’re just plain tripping balls, because the geometry of these so-called “greener” and “more-energy efficient” buildings is starting to get plain absurd. From new to old, the buildings at UCSB can seriously have some questionable and even ugly features that must be pointed out to any conscious Gaucho.

5.) Ellison Hall bathrooms:

In the depths of one lonely night in Ellison hall, a geography student stumbled upon what must be one of the most abominable features of any hall at UCSB. Yes, a urinal directly adjacent to the sink. How did this even happen? The architect must have thought “Oh yes, I crave the potential of taking a piss and washing my hands at the same time…this is genius” or something along those lines, because the potential of washing your hands all up in someone’s business is simply not optimal. So if you’re the kind of dude that likes to whip it out and take a leak a bit too close to the boyz, I guess you should mozy on over to Ellison.

4.) The south side of the BioEngineering building:

Stroll by this area of campus, and more confusion will ensue. The fundamental question regarding this building pertains to its questionable hanging chains. Why are they there? Is the building attempting to flex? Are the bioengineers trying to create a little pump, or Lil Pump? UCSB’s new gangster rap rotunda may seem clean and wholesome at first glance. However, it may actually be the first building to require a parental advisory sticker.

3.) Storke Tower:

While someone may know the answer, here at The Black Sheep we’re actually stumped as to why Storke tower actually exists. Besides bonging your head into mass confusion every top of the hour, the only other functional value of this monolith is its potential role as an abstracted phallic symbol, because maybe people are into that?

2.) Any new residential building at UCSB:

Every single one of these buildings look like they were specially designed by someone who was strolling along some hiking trail and thought eating the wild mushrooms would be intelligent. As “forward thinking” as these buildings may be, they may prompt residents to forget which direction their apartment is. RHA must be considering the addition k-9 units to its payroll because of the recent uptick in lost delivery drivers within the extensive and confusing alleyways of these supposed residential upgrades. Might this be just the least bit concerning?!?

1.) The mirrors in the restroom of the art building:

This place is just plain weird. It is said that those who walk into this restroom forget to even shit because they just get distracted by the infinite universe the mirrors project. While this spot may be cool to some, we must think about our dope fiend brethren on campus who may stumble upon this ego-death-inducing environment.

Yes, the 5 most ridiculous, unnecessary features of various buildings on campus. Keep your eyes peeled for more unneeded nonsense, and be sure to let us know what else you discover out there.



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