A Definitive Ranking of UCSB Dorms (by Height)

If you have ever wondered which dorm at UCSB is the tallest, or which dorm at UCSB has the tallest people living inside, then look no further. This year’s edition of The Black Sheep’s Emmy-award winning “Definitive Ranking of UCSB Dorms by Height” is finally here.

8.) FT North Tower:
The tallest residence hall on campus is also the smallest, as the students in this building have an average height of five foot two inches. Some say the occupants of North Tower are just too small for their hall.

7.) FT South Tower:
The tallest residence hall on campus, with an average height of six feet 5 inches, watching them interact with North in Portola is like watching Shaq and Snookie eat a really awful meal together.

6.) San Miguel:

The third tallest residence hall also harbors the second tallest people, as San Miguel’s population has climbed up our charts in the past year or so, thanks in part to the fact that 100% of the kids living in San Mig this year were not living here last year. They were in high school last year, and high schools do not have residence halls.

5.) San Nicolas:
The second shortest people live in the fourth tallest building. This is likely partially due to the fact that “Nicolas” is a common name for short people, so a lot of short people chose to live here. This allows them to say “I’m Nicolas from San Nicolas” on the first week, which will be funny and make everyone laugh for the same amount of time it takes you to realize that Nicolas actually never talks except for when he makes that joke.

4.) Manzanita:
The oldest residence hall also has the most medium height. Not too tall, not too short, this residence hall is home to many normal-sized humans.

3.) Anacapa:

Even though everyone already knows this, Anacapa is the shortest shorty, and also the highest! With the most marijuana per capita of all the on-campus residence halls, this hall is chock-full of people saying things like “wanna smoke?” or “dude let’s get high.”

2.) Santa Rosa:
everyone’s favorite hall to make fun of, Santa Rosa is a fun hall full of fun, barely-taller-than-average people. They hate being called short, but that’s only because they aren’t.

1.) The other shortie:
Everyone always forgets the name of this one, but it definitely exists and it definitely has people in it, so there has to be an average height. We do not know what its height is, but we are fairly certain that it exists.

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