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The Pros and Cons of Freebirds at 2 a.m.

There gets to be a point on any given weekend night when it seems like there is only one logical option: a whopping serving of edible Mexican stuff at the world’s premier Freebirds in Isla Vista. But is this actually a rational decision? The Black Sheep weighs the pros and cons of the endeavor of Freebirds at 2 a.m.

Pro: Best eats in town.

Con: Studies say the chances of you staying conscious for both the pilgrimage there AND the 30-minute wait in line do not exceed 12%.

Pro: You didn’t pass out in line.

Con: Your credit card was declined. Your friends hate you now.

Pro: Andrew paid for your nachos.

Con: Andrew is definitely tryna.

Pro: There is no better cure for the fabled munchies.

Con: Unless Andrew is around, you’re a poor college student who just dropped $14 on a meal you have no chance of remembering.

Pro: Person next to you in line tells you that they like your sweater.

Con: You reply with nothing more than a small burp.

Pro: You’re drunk, he’s drunk, she’s drunk, the guy slopping that $2 guac on your nachos is drunk, everybody’s drunk.

Con: You just threw up in your nachos.

Pro: If you didn’t just throw up in your nachos, you can feed your entire floor and potentially still transcend into a food coma yourself.

Con: You’re all going to throw up those nachos.

Pro: Free. Water. Cups. Important after a night of drunken belligerence and trekking IV in search of a party that doesn’t care who you know there.

Con: Your drunk ass just put lemonade in that water cup, and this happens to be the one Mexican fast food joint north of the border with bouncers. Bouncers that are paid to exterminate lemonade heisters like yourself. Humongous, hairy, handsome (err, umm, masculine) bouncers.

Pro: All of your friends are here after splitting up earlier in the night. How great!

Con: You just told the love of your life she has “behemoth barbacoa bosoms” and asked her to have your “guacamole babies.”

Pro: She doesn’t get that mad.

Con: She’s less tolerant of you trying to land black beans in her cleavage.

Pro: A cop just let you and your friends take selfies with him.

Con: Said cop is now infuriated with blind rage. Big thanks to your friend who stuck his thumb up said cop’s butthole mid-selfie.

Pro: You escaped the cop.

Con: In a moment of indiscretion, you called your mom to tell her about your night. She’s canceling your debit card.

Hopefully these pros and cons bring you to a solid decision to whether or not to end your night with a big ol’ plate of guac and a burrito that you for some reason urged should only have “extra sour cream, nothing else” on it. Whatever you decide at the end of the night, you’re all winners in The Black Sheep‘s eyes. 

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