It’s midterm season here at UCSB. While we here at The Black Sheep wish you all luck in your test-taking endeavors over these next few weeks, we understand that not every midterm will go as you planned. When that’s the case, it’s important to tell off your professor and give him/her a real piece of your mind. Here are 10 super mean things to tell your professor after a painful midterm exam:
10.) “I don’t give a flying frick about you or your midterm but if you could make the next one easier I’d bring you a flying fig.”
Saying this implies you’d begin caring about your professor if your next midterm was a tad easier. Super effective on lonely professors.
9.) “I wish you had never been born and that I was born twice instead.”
Since there’s really no taking this back, say it only to professors who only give one midterm per quarter.
8.) “You’re tacky and I hate you.”
Like #9, saying this will really dictate the future of your relationship with your professor. True School of Rock fans might appreciate it though.
7.) “I don’t care about the similarities between the friendships of C3P-0 and R2-D2 and Merry and Pippen, and I don’t care about your midterm either.”
If you really don’t care about analyzing the intricate similarities of these two legendary big-screen bonds, there’s not a chance you care about your midterms. You seriously do not care.
6.) “My dog could have written a better midterm, and he doesn’t even go here.”
A very rude thing to say to your professor, but it will nonetheless get your point across. Dogs typically can’t write. Not even collegiate dogs.
5.) “Kale is basically the same thing as Swiss chard but that doesn’t matter anymore because that midterm was too hard for me.”
There really is no difference between kale and Swiss chard.
4.) “I didn’t know how to do any of the problems on your test but at least I tried my best.”
Sincere, honest, truthful. Those are three words that are synonyms.
3.) “Ryan Gosling is the best male actor in Hollywood and me failing that midterm could never change that.”
Sometimes you just have to set your professor straight after a really tough test, and sometimes the best way to do that is to let him/her know that Ryan Gosling is still damn spectacular on and off the screen.
2.) “La La Land is the most important piece of musical cinema since The Sound of Music but I still flunked the shit out of that midterm.”
If you’re brilliant enough to recognize this but still bombed your test, your professor will surely second guess his/her test-writing abilities.
1.) “Stop telling me Ryan Gosling isn’t related to this class and start telling me how I can earn some extra credit.”
Tell any professor who tries to get you off the topic of Ryan Gosling’s supreme acting chops to shut the frick up and give you an extra credit opportunity already.
Remember that it’s crucial to let your professor know when a midterm was just too dang hard, and it doesn’t matter at all that the last three points on this list were each about Ryan Gosling. It’s just how things panned out.