Protest is as American as apple pie or football, and, while too much of either of those will lead to a coma, it’s led to great outcomes, including women’s suffrage, desegregation, and the ability for toddlers to purchase assault rifles without a background check. Now, the UCLA student body has decided to protest Jim Mora’s colossal salary since his results are about as strong as students’ final grades in Ravetch’s Principles of Accounting course (before the curve). To avoid NFL-level ridicule—they’re just trying to bring light to racial injustice and NOT the dotard in office—here are the five most appropriate places to take a knee in response to compensation injustice:
5.) Historic Janss Steps:
Nuzzled in the rolling hills of UCLA’s campus, just beneath the regal beauty of Royce Hall and Powell Library, sits some of the most historic and outdated bricks in Westwood. These dilapidated stairs appear to be the same ones that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his equal rights speech on in 1965. While some might see it as standing up for racial injustice, it’s really all about the Jim Mora—do you hear that, Donald?
4.) Franklin D. Murphy Sculpture Garden:
Known for being ranked second by Playboy Magazine as “The Best Places to Make Out in Los Angeles,” it’s also a great place to take a stand (or a knee) against the establishment. Kneeling next to the ostentatious masterpieces of Hans Arp and Deborah Butterfield are a sure way to let the Dean’s office know that you understand the “distinguished elevated expressions.” After receiving a pay raise for “promoting awareness” the only thing you’ll have to worry about are the grass stains.
3.) Shapiro Fountain:
To receive the raise you rightly deserve, you need attention from the big man Gene himself. By taking a knee in the fountain burrowed between Royce and Powell, you will join the likes of the sisters at KKG and Alpha Phi whom receive plenty of attention from Gene. Though they receive it because they are in white dresses splashing each other with the fountain water, if you aren’t too afraid to get your HRC pant-suit or tweed jacket wet, you too can receive the same attention from the grey-haired leprechaun. #LiveLoveGene
2.) Wilshire and Veteran Intersection:
At rush hour, with the West LA traffic at a stand-still, taking a knee at one of Los Angeles’ busiest intersections is sure to drum up buzz. Ten months earlier, UCLA students made national news as they took to the same area in protest of the presidential election. It would’ve changed the outcome, but the minority of the United States had already decided who won, and once that’s set in stone, there’s no changing it. Since salary contracts are negotiable—unlike modern American dictatorships—taking a knee here could actually induce change.
1.) The Wasserman Football Center:
This multi-million dollar facility is a testament to how much it takes to revive an underperforming football program, but unlike the University of Texas, UCLA does not have the billionaire backing Koch brothers to funnel money. To afford this—and Mora’s salary—loans have to be taken from the endowment to cover the cost, leaving much less for faculty and student activities. Taking a knee on the sideline of the Wasserman practice field while looking at a 100-yard long American flag held horizontally and blasting the National Anthem is the most effective way to express your frustration with pay compensation.
By taking a knee at any of these places around campus, your six-figure faculty compensation should rise at least another $33,604. That’s what tuition is for, right?
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