UCLA administration decided to ramp up safety efforts, an issue of top-notch importance: through MFA, they protect your CCLE account from sinister hackers who want to check your grades. Only one step below typing in the Da Vinci code every time you want to check the syllabus, MFA makes use of top-notch security. Hey, overly-complex systems aren’t for everyone. If free tacos on BruinWalk aren’t enough to convince you to sip the MFA Kool-Aid, here are 8 alternatives to downloading UCLA’s most oppressive digital scheme to date.
8.) Just say no:
Adopt this mantra which also might coincidentally belong to your fifth grade “DARE to resist drugs and alcohol” class. Clearly, just saying no worked, you’ve never done a drug in your life, and DARE exceeded expectations. The same fool-proof technique applies to MFA.
7.) Drop out:
Simple, yet effective. MFA won’t be a problem if you’re no longer a student.
6.) Maim yourself:
Following the above logic, you won’t have to use MFA if you no longer have fingers.
5.) Destroy the famous MS Building computer as a symbol of the revolution:
Symbolic destruction is a token of any great resistance. Take, for example, the demolition of the Berlin Wall. Destroying THE token computer will be the ultimate sign of your rage against the machine.
4.) Get Plan B for secondary protection—it’ll probably be better:
Don’t worry, babe. I got tested like a month ago. Just worry about someone hacking your account the morning after.
3.) Give up technology in observance of Ramadan:
With the holiday months coming up, UCLA would never go after a marginalized group. Let political correctness be your safety net. #ReligiousRights
2.) Just go to USC:
Honestly, if you got hacked, daddy’s lawyer could probably hit the perpetrator with a hefty lawsuit anyway.
1.) Fail out:
Unlike dropping out, this power move is a slow and deliberate academic suicide. It’s spring quarter, losers. Nobody wants to hack the guy with the 1.7 GPA. It’s just bad investment.