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Not Going to Coachella? Here’s 7 Things You Can Do Instead, You Poor Soul

If you’re reading this, odds are you didn’t see Beyonce and you’re not going to Coachella this weekend. But that’s OK, because there are plenty of fun, cool things to do at UCLA! Who needs to dress like a mermaid and party until 3 a.m. when UCLA provides the comfort of a second home? Here are 7 semi-exciting and almost awesome things to do at UCLA while everyone else is in the middle of the desert dressed like a mermaid and banging their hearts out. 

7.) Hack the Duo server:
Practice those week three coding skills, hack the Duo server, and shut it down completely. Heroes don’t always wear capes.

6.) Make Lime statues in the sculpture garden:
Ever think that Lime’s are a pile of shit? Well they are, and what better way to show that then to make art out of it? Melt them down and turn them paint that hardened plastic bronze, or just mass collect them; since half of the school escaped to Coachella, more Lime’s for you!

5.) Make a move on Papa Gene Block:
Desperate times call for desperate measures. “I already have a traffic violation for riding a Bird down Bruin Walk, and I couldn’t turn in my homework because I couldn’t accept my Duo request because I lost my phone. My only option was seducing the most powerful meme lord at UCLA,” said a UCLA student, who of course wished to remain anonymous. But don’t worry, Daddy Gene is here to help.

4.) Throw a party on the hill by Janss Steps:
Bruin Bash Pt. II at a Janss Steps near you!

3.) Eat your roommate’s food that they left while they’re at Coachella:
It is scientifically proven that 99.999999999999999% of roommates hate each other. That said, they probably went to Coachella and didn’t invite you. Don’t cry about it: man up and eat the mega-stuffed Oreos, while binge studying. Who’s the loser now?

2.) Or plant California Poppies in the shape of a dick:
Everyone has a rebellious side. Skip the desert, be a rebel, and plant some California Poppies in the shape of a dick on the hill by Janss Steps. Since it’s the state flower, it’s illegal to pick them from the ground! You’ll be a legend!

1.) Cry because you’re lame and midterms are actually around the corner:
Sorry to remind you, but midterms are in two weeks. Let that sink in. Coachella or no, the hell of the quarter system awaits.

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