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Bruinwalk Bamboozle: Are Professors Inflating Their Ratings?

Earlier this week, a student oversight committee caught teachers inflating their BruinWalk ratings in an attempt to convince students to take classes that even the most innocent freshmen would avoid. 

Michelle Johnson, a first-year ex-chemistry major, had a 4.0 going into winter quarter, and after taking History 10B, SCAN 50, and PHY SCI 5, Johnson was confident that she could pass any class that UCLA could throw at her.

She waltzed into Lapel’s (professor’s names have been changed for anonymity) Chem 14A class with first-year, five-on-the-AP-chem-test confidence.

But after failing the first midterm, she decided to drop and become a political science major.

“I heard Lapel was easy!” she said. “I checked BruinWalk and saw that he had a perfect score! I thought it was another instance of UCLA only getting the best, most helpful teachers for their school.” Though not the first time UCLA would mislead and destroy her, this first cut was the deepest.

Rob Broadrick, another unwitting first-year, had a similar story with Dayger, an English professor who specializes in medieval literature.

“Most of the 10A reviews say that he’s really nice,” Broadrick said, gazing into the distance as if he were really mid-lecture.“The first time I saw him in his white blazer, I was a little intimidated. But then he had the whole class chanting in Old English, and I became terrified. It felt like a cult, I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t chant one time and he whipped his head around, glared, then spat at me as he read Beowulf. Then, he failed me.”

Broadrick swears he has no idea where it all went wrong.

Yet, even as professors were caught for inflating their classes on BruinWalk, it’s expected that nothing will change besides student’s GPAs.  

“You think some kid is going to really take some of these classes?” posed one professor, who requested anonymity for fear of no one taking his classes. “Medieval literature? Hell no. We had to do something to get students into classes like that.” 

After realizing her certain long-term unemployment (for the rest of her life), iFailedLS3—a third-year ex-communications major who requested to go by their BruinWalk handle—decided to switch into biology.

Overloading her quarters, she took 4-5 classes per quarter and had almost no room for error. Screwitt, an LS3 professor, failed iFailedLS3, with her backstory in mind.

He was last seen at a roundtable straight out of Mickey’s House of Villains cackling, imputing another, “This professor is so amazing and considerate” into the comments section of BruinWalk.

At publication, he still had a 4.7 rating. 

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