Whether you awoke at 6:30 a.m. because of outside protesters, rallied with the marchers for the sake of a free green shirt for next year’s St. Patrick’s Day, or faced the horrific surprise of bland pizza and burgers at BPlate, The Black Sheep need not remind you that the majority of UCLA’s workers are on strike. If you thought any of these mild inconveniences were enough for a Snapchat rant about the strike, then get ready because it could be a lot, lot worse with these kinds of strikes.
4.) All medical professionals at Ashe:
Three days into the strike and UCLA goes from the #1 university for food to the #1 university in the mass-spreading of chlamydia and gonorrhea. Syphilis takes over the LGBT Center, and the international community demands UCLA just give the doctors what they want. But this is UCLA and nobody ever gets what they want, so that doesn’t happen. Enjoy death by sexual exploration.
3.) South Campus TAs — The only reason you don’t fail every class at the hands of a ruthless dictator clothed as an aged professor:
Goodbye medical school. In a world where your greatest wish is to be just above the curve, that one extra point really saves you. Unfortunately, UCLA South Campus TAs demanded that they receive tutoring in English, for the sake of the student body’s sanity. Money’s tight, and administrators are over actually caring about education, so they went on strike, and now you have a 0.00 GPA. Bad dining halls don’t seem too bad now.
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2.) Sunset Recreation Center lifeguards:
You’ve just swam laps at the pool—yes, more than millionaire retirees swim in those pools—and need, more than anything, a gulp of water. Your friends arrive to Sunset late, but bringing sunscreen, bags, towels, and Dasani water bottles. You go for a long gulp of Dasani, because you’re parched, and it ends up being vodka. Now you’re four shots deep and want to go back in the pool, so you jump in. But, since you’re four shots deep, things go awry. Now you’ll have wished we had just met those exceptionally-reasonable lifeguard demands of extra sunscreen for overtime shifts. Death by Dasani vodka sure was a way to go.
1.) Gene Block, King Chancellor of UCLA:
He demanded we no longer meme him, and that just won’t ever happen. Nobody at UCLA knows what to do now. The chaos at school skyrockets, and the universally-accepted joke becomes, “at least it isn’t the White House.”
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