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Trump Offers BBB Swag in Exchange for LiAngelo Ball in Shoplifting Crime

HANGZHOU, CHINA — U.S. President Donald Trump has offered “huge amounts” of Big Baller Brand merchandise to President Xi Jinping of China in exchange for LiAngelo Ball and two other UCLA basketball players, whose shoplifting crimes last week prevented the players from playing against Georgia Tech. 

LiAngelo’s father, LaVar Ball, met with President Trump before the negotiation was made public, with sources close to the matter saying that Trump “related heavily” with the second-eldest Ball, LiAngelo.

“He’s a good kid,” Trump said in a press conference. “I made my own brand, by myself, with no help besides just a small loan of a $1 million. Gelo is just like me—he gets all his talent from other people and takes the credit! Being a Ball is like being a Trump!”

An anonymous source within President Xi Jinping’s administration said that Jinping “was quite impressed with the offer.”

Typically in these situations, presidents of both countries normally exchange exploitative foreign labor at the fortune of others, but, in this situation, Trump decided to cut out the middleman and give Jinping a $500 shoes without the 50-cent child labor costs involved.

Though the cost of labor was relatively small, this “demonstration of goodwill has united the countries,” said the anonymous source with Jinping’s administration, and China is “excited to manufacture and sell off-brand Nike [Big Baller Brand] shoes to its citizens.” 

Lavar Ball spoke to reporters after he met with Trump, and relayed how important the commonalities of the Trump and Ball families was in getting LiAngelo back to the U.S. 

“We’re both shameless self-promoters,” Ball said. “You gotta work hard, have one talented son—in Trump’s case, just one normalish-looking son—and then pray to God everything works out. Donald has stood behind himself all his life, and we’re glad he’s championing BBB as a bargaining token in this situation to get my son back.”

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