It’s that time of year again when all your best girlfriends pop champagne by Janss Steps and your boys do a classic, completely original pose in front of Royce Hall. Senior year is equal parts excited leaving this shithole, and overwhelming dread because you won’t ever land a good job. One phenomena bridges these two sides: senioritis! The Black Sheep, cares about your well-being and GPA and found the best ways to give into your senioritis at UCLA.
7.) Spend your day at Rocco’s:
Not only could you buy drinks at a “ballin-on-a-budget” price, but it also works as a great study space. The library is so full of underclassmen trying to land that A in Intro to Oceanography while drinking a 64 oz. Nalgene full of water to defeat that freshman 15, but you’re past that. You’re a real adult with real problems and some serious senioritis. Rocco’s has exactly what you need to make sure you fulfill your study habits: a daily dose of debilitating booze.
6.) Break into the safe sex vending machine:
Dopamine is necessary to survive your senior year in college, but kids aren’t!
5.) Camp outside of dining halls and demand those free swipes while you still can:
Speaking of “ballin on a budget,” food isn’t free, and if anyone feels the dread of going to Ralphs because that boujee atmosphere makes you feel unwanted, it’s seniors. But free swipes are free swipes, amirite? Food is fuel that will get you up and studying in no time. Get your ass down to De Neve and demand those free swipes from those underclassmen like you’re taking elementary school lunch money.
Know anyone at one of these schools?
Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired!
Penn State – $300 Referral Bounty
Indiana – $300 Bounty
NC State – $300 Bounty
4.) Hit on your TA, and you won’t even have to do your homework!:
Come on, we’ve all had hot TAs. Just go for it, and turn that eye candy into an actual lollipop. Hitting on your TA will almost guarantee you an A in that chemistry, English, or foreign language Italian class–and without any real work! This is a 100% perfect cure for senioritis. Breaking into the safe sex machine really comes in handy with this one.
3.) Form a study sesh with that hot guy (or girl) in your class:
Not because you wanna fuck or anything, but us hot people gotta succeed together. Is that procrastination? Whatever, you have senioritis anyway.
2.) Binge watch Breaking Bad for the bazillionth time:
What better way to get ready for your future than by studying an adaptation of a fictionalization of your future workfield? Breaking Bad is like any other BruinCast lecture: Your parents will never understand but will be happy their child is rich af.
1.) Hey, just do your damn homework:
Clearly you’re reading this instead of doing your homework, which means you’re probably scrolling on your Facebook feed. Stop procrastinating you piece of shit.
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