On average, a UCLA student spends more money at their neighborhood supermarkets than on tuition and housing combined (we read it in The Daily Bruin, so it must be true). No one will ever know the reason for building boujee grocery stores next to a university full of financially-unstable teens, but they did, forcing us to buy slushies from 7/11 and snacks from Chevron. Unless you are using daddy’s money (actual or sugar), The Black Sheep recommends you make a savings account six years ago, to offset the debts of grocery shopping at these places.
6.) The place you spent $403 on vegan chicken breasts:
Ever wonder why it’s called Whole Foods? Because it’s where you spend your whole paycheck on food. See, most UCLA students work part time at a .001% higher than minimum wage paying job. You’ll most likely run into Ronald Reagan surgeons and investment bankers who work on Wilshire, so if you’re ready to fake boujeeness, shop at this prestigious supermarket.
5.) If it ain’t the traitor himself:
We meant Trader Joe’s, but that’s the glory of homophones right. Joe fell to peer-pressure and decided to start charging students top dollar for that dirty food they call “organic.” The Coachella-infused vibe of Westwood’s Trader Joe’s contains all the clean, animal-cruelty-free, cage-free, free-range, grass-fed, probiotic-filled, vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free chicken meat you could possibly eat. Who knew the simplest foods had the most complicated names?
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4.) The place you get your ID taken if you’re either under or over 21:
Ralph’s is essentially UCLA’s community liquor store. Come on, there’s a bar next to the produce section! Although it sounds perfect, it also means you’ll certainly run into a group of frat boys in jerseys and sorority girls in booty shorts, mostly on Thursdays between the hours of 6 and 10 p.m. And, at any other hour, it’s just Lululemon model moms with their nannies.
3.) The place that’s supposed to be cheap, but then they put “City” in front of it:
Does anyone really buy their produce at Target other than middle-aged divorcees with coupon books? Ever since they renovated their produce section and essentially moved up to the status of supermarket, everyone opted in for Ralphs, and it’s bound to stay that way forever. Oh, and why do Target and Ralph’s both have a Starbucks? That’s a riddle actually. And if you didn’t get the answer, it’s to supply enough cafe au lait for the amount of basic bitches at UCLA. Truth hurts.
2.) The newly-constructed tower for stoned students:
7/11 is the godfather of late night munchies, and the only place you can find cheese-stuffed Doritos and “Coke-flavored” slurpees. Although not a grocery store–and that’s debatable–7/11 has what you need at prices you love for those forgettable nights and hungover mornings. If you’re reading this mumbling amazedly to yourself, “Westwood has a 7/11,” you’re not the only one. This hole in the wall is located on the corner of Weyburn and Westwood Boulevard … you’re welcome.
1.) And if you really are a starving college student, you go here:
Yes, Chevron. Where you get $5 per gallon gas when everyone else’s is $3 just because they got that Techron shit. But they got a hell of a lot of deals on sugar shit; they’re the sugar shit supermarket. And if you’re over real food, it’s the only place you can get a Snickers with a cigarette and a lottery ticket with that $20 you have in your wallet.
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