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The 2018 UConn March Sadness Drunk Food Bracket

It’s a good day to be a Husky. The women’s basketball team is averaging 4,000 points per game, and the men’s team…well they’re coachless and playing pickup in the rec center. Lucky for us there’s no offseason in the game of binge drinking, and we all have our go-to drunk meal. The Black Sheep has put together a bracket of UConn’s best inebriated food, and there could be some upsets. So put down your real bracket, you bandwagon Kentucky fan, and take a look at this Elite 8 of UConn drunk food. 

8 Seed: Mooyah
Don’t sleep on Mooyah, the beef and cheese lovers are a force to be reckoned with. They’re only open until 10 p.m. daily but don’t let that stop you. If you want that weird hot dog on top of a cheeseburger thing, then go for it. But Mooyah’s real x-factor is its milkshakes, easily worthy of sending them to the UConn Final Four.

7 Seed: Wally’s Chicken Coop
You’ll find Wally’s to be standing room only after Nickel Night, and for good reason. They’ll make you a bacon, egg, and cheese no matter the time, no questions asked. The staff is definitely interesting, but the puds are the only thing bomb enough to make Wally’s a strong contender. If we’re being honest, the chicken bits taste like breaded rubber. But that’s never stopped our staff from ordering a literal shitload. Anyways, do you want any seasoning?

6 Seed: Blaze Pizza
A trendy upset pick, this knockoff pizza Subway is conveniently located next to Grille 86, bringing in all the rich alcoholics from The Oaks who somehow think Grille is fun. They’re open till 3 a.m. on weekends, which is clutch as fuck. Not to mention LeBron James owns Blaze; the one celebrity owned restaurant that doesn’t overcharge. Be grateful, Huskies.

5 Seed: Ted’s
A virtual no-brainer since you’re already drunk. We know you go to Ted’s for the Beavers and women of loose morals, but they actually have a full menu of shit like pizza with some onion rings on it. Everything on the menu can and will clog your arteries but it’s so worth it. At the very least, a halftime of mozzarella sticks can set you up for a massive second half rally of tequila shots and getting rejected by the bartender.

4 Seed: Insomnia Cookies
God bless Insomnia Cookies. With a full arsenal of regular, deluxe, and cookie ice cream sandwiches, no one can come even close. The bottles of milk are so good they’ll make you forget it comes from a cow’s titties, even if it is $4 a quart. So hit the bar, grab a 6-pack of cookies with some milk, and you’ll never be disappointed. Not to mention they deliver until the ass crack of dawn, yes we’re talking to you too, stoners.

3 Seed: Sgt. Pepperoni
Arguably the best pizza on campus, Sgt. Pep’s is another post-Nickel hotspot. All of their food comes with a complimentary pool of grease, how nice of them! It’ll seep right through the paper plate and onto your pants, but oh well, we know all you hardcore dog lovers will want Jonathan the Husky to lick that shit right off, you freaks.

2 Seed: Wings Over Storrs
Wings Over has been popular forever despite it being ridiculously expensive. Don’t be fooled, the boneless wings are just chicken tenders and if you don’t substitute waffle fries for regular fries, you can’t be trusted. Being hammered is also a perfect excuse to try their unbelievably hot Afterburner sauce. In the end, Wings Over is by no means a sure bet to advance in the first round because, well, it’s overrated. Don’t @ me.

1 Seed: D.P. Dough
D.P. Dough has turned UConn into a bunch of calzone-loving weirdos. Sure it’s located in the weird part of Storrs Center, but they deliver until 3 a.m., so you can get your favorite ‘zone whenever you want. Their chicken is just cut up dinosaur nuggets, which is nothing to complain about. All in all their daily deals and huge menu make them a strong enough candidate to earn the number one overall seed.

Did your favorite drunk spot not rank as high as you’d like? No worries, you can still vote your way to success all week on Twitter. Make sure to follow @blacksheepuconn to see how all this plays out, and may the best food win.

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