Are you tired of seeing those dreaded orange envelopes on your windshield wipers reminding you that it costs money to literally just breathe on campus? Did you pay over 200 bucks for a parking permit only for the parking police to be up your ass about parking? Are you broke from parking overnight at the wrong lot for multiple nights? Yeah, we know, it sucks. Here are some underrated parking spots on campus to avoid ending up battered and abandoned like this poor soul:
5.) On the island in Mirror Lake:
Not only is Mirror Lake a prime place to come to when you are stressed TF out and you just want to take a gander at some ducks swim and sit on the “Be Happy” swing contemplating your student loans and doomed future, but it is also a great place to park your car! Instead of skinny dipping or making a fool of yourself, you can make a statement and also save money, by driving your car fast enough off road, landing directly on the island near Mirror Lake. This is a guaranteed, foolproof way to never, ever get a parking ticket.
4.) Camouflage with North Eagleville construction:
With all the commotion on North Eagleville Rd, police will be oblivious to a car parked near the construction, especially if you paint it to match the promotional posters surrounding it. Your perfectly-camouflaged Prius will escape any police’s authoritative gaze and the violent placing of orange envelopes. A major pro in this situation would also be Susan’s undivided attention and support. She will be so proud of you for showing school spirit by promoting the corporatization and expansion of the school, and maybe give you free parking for the rest of the year. Try it out!
3.) Next to the horses on Horsebarn Hill:
Although police do rounds here during late night hours, if you live by Towers or happen to go to the Dairy Bar for some ice cream munchies, this is a perfect spot to set up camp. Instead of driving all the way to C-Lot (lame), you could drive to Horsebarn Hill and sleep with the horses and cows. Get a tent or maybe hype up the back of your pickup truck or car with some IKEA pillows and comforters, and get comfy. Not only can you park your car here, but you can also spend the night in it too, and if anyone tries to ticket you just say you lost your housing or you’re trying to observe the animals for a biology lab! Easy.
2.) Jesus take the wheel (behind the church):
There are some great parking spots near the Storrs Congregational Church. Although some may be restricted to employees and other “important” people who deserve free parking, this is a holy spot and parking tickets are forbidden here, according to the mini bibles that are given out on Fairfield Way from time to time. Susan’s law does not extend to this territory, but proceed with caution, especially if you have an obnoxiously flamboyant or eco-friendly car i.e. a Prius.
1.) On any student lot:
The best way to get out of a ticket is to make it seem like you already got one. So put an orange envelope on your car with a previously-issued ticket, making it seem like you are already supposed to be yeeted TF outta there. For bonus points, put a sign on your window that says, “Don’t give me a parking ticket. The A/C is on. He has water and is listening to his favorite music,” and a stuffed animal Husky for 10/10 real effect. The parking police won’t F with you!
So Huskies with cars, drive safe, and park even more safely and in the dark. Huskies without cars, we envy your lack of experience with the fuckery that are parking tickets, but also scoff at your inability to pick us up from Ted’s. Have a parking ticket free Monday, Huskies!
Need something to listen to while searching for a spot? Try out our podcast!