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5 Secret Paths to Avoid Freezing Ya’ Ass Off at UConn

If you got back from Thanksgiving break and noticed that the walk to class is extra shitty then you are not alone. It’s cold, it’s windy, and there’s no salt on the ground to prevent you from accidentally ending it all. We have nothing but colder times in front of us, so we came up with a few paths around campus that can get you to your destination without slipping on your ass.

5.) Cut Through The Student Union:
The Union offers students a decent enough shelter from the cold. It is in the vicinity of Laurel, Rowe, and the Business building, so you should be able to defrost before being forced back out into the shitty weather and sprinting 10 or 15 yards to class. Or better yet, use those 50 min. you should be in lecture to wait in line at Panda Express for some orange chicken to shove down your gullet.

4.) The Math and Science Building:
Walking from North is always tough knowing that you are leaving the shittiest dorms on campus for the even shittier uphill walk to class. Cutting through the MSB can slightly ease your pain. The building is so old that no one knows how to turn the heat off anymore so it’s always nice and toasty inside.

3.) Frozen Mirror Lake:
Winter gives you an excuse to break out your ice-skates and get to class the way you should: by gracefully skating across Mirror Lake like the goddamn beautiful gazelle you are. But really you’re just a student running away from the unreasonable cost of education. Slip horribly and maybe you’ll land free tuition?

2.) Storrs Wine and Spirits :
Start your day like any other, but when you get to class just keep walking. Walk straight to Storrs Wine and Spirits (1 or 2) and buy the biggest bottle of hard alcohol you can. Drowning yourself in Dubra is by far the most effective way to stay warm during the winter and to ensure that you either walk to class not feeling a thing or you go down trying.

1.) Stay in Bed and Don’t Go to Class:
Best way to avoid the cold? Don’t go out into the cold. Save these “sick days” for when it’s extra shitty outside. When you see your roommate getting ready in complete misery then you know it’s time to say “good luck out there” and hand over three dollars for that bomb broccoli & cheddar soup at the Benton.

At the end of the day, there is no way to avoid the cold at Yukon so we just have to learn to embrace it. If there’s one thing we know, its students today and Huskies forever. This weather is what we were made for, this is where we thrive.


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