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5 Things to Dump Before Thanksgiving that Aren’t Your Boyfriend

With midterms making you crawl out of your bed, napping on the way to class, and looking like an irritable, sleep-deprived spawn of Satan, most of us find the need to shed any and all dead weight that’s weighing us down. As a result, Thanksgiving break becomes a notorious time of year for dudes, and to a lesser extent ladies, just getting dumped so hard over Thanksgiving break. Being in seperate towns you don’t need to see them, and they’ve got their precious moms they never stop talking about to comfort them or something. But we at The Black Sheep think you shouldn’t stop there. Here are 5 more things you can dump by this Thanksgiving that aren’t your boyfriend and/or your literal will to live (which we know is hanging by a string, like the swings near Mirror Lake).

5.) Your Dunkin’ addiction:
It’s time to kick this habit. The lines are getting too long. Your patience is wearing thin. You’re running out of money. You can’t keep getting extra-large iced coffee with extra shots of espresso stains all over your papers. How many more times will you wait in the Dunkin’ line and show up 30 minutes to class, still under-caffeinated? Dump your caffeine addiction by this Thanksgiving and tell your parents you’re going to become a vegan.

4.) Your chemistry class:
Drop it. Whatever chem you’re taking. It’s not worth it. The department is basically always on probation at UConn, so don’t feel bad if you’re a part of the failing population of students. Just do it over the summer when you’ve got more time to bounce back from regularly scheduled mental breakdowns, and stare at the ducks happily quacking in Mirror Lake, versus now when it’s almost deathly frozen. You have to dump chemistry like that ex you blocked, reported, and moved towns away from. There’s no going back.

3.) Your points:
The semester is almost over and with Thanksgiving right around the corner, what better way to give thanks than by treating yourself and your friends to some quality Union food. Go to Chuck and Augies before they close and treat your fam to a wholesome friendsgiving. With stomachs and hearts both equally full, you will not only be dumping your points but also taking a well-deserved dump in the comfort of a bathroom at the Union. Grab some coffee at Bookworms or one of the cafés and you’ll definitely be taking more dumps across campus.

2.) Your real, hard-earned money:
There are only two more weeks! You got this. Even though every day is going to feel like Monday until Nickel night, there’s no excuse to dump your will to live! Two more weeks of UConn, means two more weeks of Nickel night, two more weeks of shameless consumption of D.P. Dough Mac Daddy Zones, honey mustard wings from Wings Over, and all those pizza slices you drunkenly stumble into Sgt. Pepps for. And don’t forget all the late night munchies from Sam’s! And in the spirit of Thanksgiving and holiday season, you’ll definitely be dropping the big bucks on those UConn Mom and Dad sweatshirts and mugs at the bookstore. You’ll be breaking your bank account’s heart.

1.) Your succulent:
Due to the amount of sunshine that reaches people’s dorm rooms being drastically compromised by construction, the rainy Tuesday’s here at UConn, and the high probability of you being a bad plant mom, it is likely that your succulent in your room has probably passed away. It is time to dump your succulent. The best way to properly dispose of your succulent is to conduct a respectful burial and resting ceremony outside of your dorm hall. Some prime locations would be near Mirror Lake, near the Storrs Congregational Church, or underneath the piles of dirt near the construction on North Eagleville Rd.

And that completes a list of things you can dump this Thanksgiving that aren’t your will to live (or your boyfriend, yikes). Celebrate with a feast this Thanksgiving and toast to all of the toxic things you have chosen to dump! Happy Holidays, Huskies!

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