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5 UConn Predictions More Accurate Than Weather Predictions

From Halloween through the end of March, UConn weather tries to bury us beneath snow, break our backs on ice, and blow us away with the wind. Every year, we experience the 7, 8, or 9 inches that come from weekly snowfalls that take over the Tuesday rains. But this year, it seems Mother Nature finally decided to give us a breather and kept the snowfall to a minimum, despite, like, 6 “severe winter warnings” happening. Gone are the days of trusting your local weatherman more than any other man in your life, and now are the days trusting The Black Sheep as… whatever things you trust these days. 

5.) The Rec Center will be done by Fall 2019:
If there’s any lesson to learn in the four years you’re destined to spend on campus it’s that approximations on dates are never quite accurate, especially not when it comes to construction projects. It seems, though, that the construction crew has put the pedal to the medal and they may just finish the Rec Center on time — right after a quarter of you graduate. 

4.) Men’s basketball will win a championship… eventually:
Closing out the season with a 14-18 record, it’s safe to say that we’re only half the basketball school we used to be (SHOUT OUT TO THE GIRLS STILL MAKING US PROUD). But considering Ollie was just given the boot and was shown upped by Dan Hurley, things are looking up for next season. Based on our limited knowledge and even more limited research, the man’s managed to turn around a team in much worse shape than ours. Soooo, yes please?

3.) Abbott will trim the brows:
Who would everyone’s favorite professor-to-hate be without his signature caterpillar eyebrows? Less memorable that’s who. But with the way that the weather is looking right about now, with zero chance of another snow day ACTUALLY bringing snow, it seems more likely that the caterpillars might get the chop. 

2.) We’ll #MakeSpringWeekendGreatAgain:
Hoping @UConn doesn’t come after us for this, but honestly, they can’t fine all of us if we throw a collective rager, right? It’s so sad to hear about the greatness that was Spring Weekend, only to have it be a fully militarized zone now with a couple comedy shows and long food truck lines sprinkled in. DOWN WITH THE BIG MAN! #MSWGA BABY!!!!

1.) Ted’s and Old Huskies will combine to create a Super Bar:
Okay, maybe this one’s completely out of the question, considering it doesn’t even seem to be in the talks anywhere except our hopeful little minds, but imagine how fucking LIT this would be. Cease and desist all construction elsewhere and go full force into connecting Ted’s and Old Huskies, and UConn will finally achieve the goal of having students who never want to leave, even if it’s just because they’re too turnt to get home.

With the liars, liars, pants on fire that we have as meteorologists at the moment, we’re better off trusting the weather forecast stone to tell us what’s good with the weather. At least there are somethings we can count on being accurate at this school… maybe.


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