Being a UConn student means owning a UConn ID, which in turn gives you the privilege of breathing and living on campus and also a relatively abundant amount points in order to purchase mediocre coffee and crispy chicken salads (yass). Losing your ID is like losing your identity and sense of purpose on campus. Have you ever lost your UConn ID? Multiple times? In the same week? No? Well, here are 5 guaranteed ways to lose your ID so hard it’ll never, ever eventually surface on Buy or Sell.
5.) Drop it like it’s hot (on the floor of a frat basement):
You know those nights when you’re double cheeked up on a Thursday night, drowning in jungle juice and whispering empty promises into a frat boy’s ear? As you hopelessly flail and attempt to pole dance, your precious UConn ID flies out of your fanny pack (because it was a 90s’ themed party), and to your blissfully drunk ignorance, falls underneath the speakers. A frat party is peak war zone for lost UConn IDs, presumably even more so than Ted’s is for fake IDs.
4.) Yeet it under the bleachers at a game:
This is a prime spot for forgotten, neglected, abused, and lost IDs. After making it through the tailgate, then finding a spot for you and your friends while desperately clinging onto the five hot dogs your drunk self just bought, you begin to lose a grip on your three loose debit cards and UConn ID as they fall into the depths underneath the bleachers.
3.) Dropkick it into Mirror Lake:
When you’ve finally had enough and this endless exam season catches up with you, the best way (sort of) to release some stress is to dropkick your ID into Mirror Lake or even whip it as hard as you can. For added effect and dramatic flair, you could stand on the swings and dropkick it for a little more momentum and more of a guarantee of losing your UConn ID forever.
2.) Blast it into the forest while drunk peeing:
Whether behind the ol’ Celery-on, that sketchy house on Hunting Lodge Road, or while running away from the cops near Carriages, there’s never a better time to lose your ID than while drunk peeing. Pop a squat next to the tallest, most obscure tree you can find, and next thing you know your ID naturally just spills out of your back pocket.
1.) Feed it to a horse at Horsebarn Hill:
And finally, the most taboo way to lose your ID would be feeding it to a horse at Horsebarn Hill. Despite the many signs that advise against feeding anything to the horses, your ratchet ass decided to bring a handful of dining hall carrots and what do you know, instead of the horse mistaking your finger for a carrot, it mistakes your UConn ID for a fresh, orange vegetable. Sucks to be you!
And so, for the freshmen Huskies who are holding on dearly to their IDs with their lanyards, we upperclassmen would like you to loosen up (those lanyards) a little, and yeet your UConn IDs away, just like your dreams.
Need something to listen to while peeing in the trees? Try out our GIRL POD: