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7 Sobering Realizations You’re About to Graduate From UConn

Spring break is over and now we’re riding the struggle bus Lebowski-style all the way to the end of the semester. For seniors, the next six weeks marks the end of it all. Do you believe in life after college? We honestly don’t know, but we can tell you 7 ways you realize you’re about to graduate from UConn.

7.) When D.P. Dough Tastes Good Sober:
Ordering D.P. Dough completely sober is one thing, but ordering it sober and enjoying it like it’s your last meal is exactly what it feels like to be a senior Husky. As you eat a bit of the zone of the week you get flashbacks of ordering the same calzone drunk af as a sophomore in Alumni at 3 a.m. Only this time, you can legally drink and that is exactly what you do after applying for jobs all day.

6.) Visiting Old Dorms:
As a freshmen we all said we’d go back with our friends to our old dorm and tell those youngsters your legendary stories and say things like “It still smells the same!” You’re at a new low when you find yourself actually going back to North to see if those freshmen are hardcore as you and smoke in the woods behind Fairfield Hall. And then you smoke in the woods behind Fairfield Hall.

5.) Doing Things from Your UConn Bucket List:
We’re not talking about that one lame thing that we are handed to by advisors that says “go to the CCD,” or “go to the tutor center.” We’re talking about your personal “UConn Life is Now, I’m Fucking Invisible Bucket List.” This is the time of year you start to see students swimming across Mirror Lake and people sneaking into the spooky Depot Campus buildings. Shit gets weird, so watch out.

4.) Eating All the Member Berries with Your Friends:
Looking at graduation makes some of us start to reminisce a bit. When you’re sober it’s like, “oh yeah I can’t wait to get out of here and start making some real money,” but after a few shots of rum and a quick Beaver it’s, “hey, do you remember when UConn won in 2014 and we celebrated by throwing up in the middle of the street and on the wall outside Union.” 

3.) Your Motto Changes to “Off the Rails”:
Before spring break, most upperclassmen were like “okay it’s time to get my shit together,” but now senioritis is kicking in and you realize that you have no other choice than to party because these are your last weeks as an underclassmen. No longer can you say no to Nickel because you have “homework,” or say “next week” to karaoking “Bound 2” at Ted’s. Now is the time to get out there, take off your shirt and sing your heart out before you’re gone forever. 

2.) Waking Up at 7a.m. to Register for Classes:
On Monday, you might’ve been one of those people pathetic enough to wake up in time to snag that seat in a class with one of the attractive Comm professors. Unfortunately, your time is done here, but that didn’t stop you from searching Student Admin just for old times’ sake. You didn’t even mind that it crashed on you 20 times, in fact, you even got a kick out of it. 

1.) Realizing Your Advisor Fucked You Over After All:
For some of you, this will be a godsend. For years, you’ve been bragging to your friends about how your advisor is “super chill,” and said you could totally skip over that Content Area One: Arts & Humanities section because the dean cut funding to his department. Now you’ll be taking a victory lap with a schedule packed with things like “Intro to the Theatre” and “Hand Puppetry,” so if you’re someone who just wasn’t ready for the real world, buy that advisor a big fat Beaver.

Everything will come to an end eventually unless you’re UConn Women’s basketball who physically can’t stop winning. Out there in the world we now have a new purpose: to uphold our values of going hard in our school work just so we have time to party even harder later.

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