Are you hella broke? Do your dining hall meals feel more like food stamps? Can you not afford AAA batteries, the power source of your precious iClicker, and the sole reason you aren’t totally failing all your classes? Fear not, young Huskies, we’ve got you covered with five new ways to get credit for your clicker questions, all for less than a Duracell.
5.) Body paint à la Husky Walk:
Do you have a copious amount of blue paint, left over from the tailgates you got so wasted at that you and your brothers only spelled out U-C-N-N? Do you feel confident you could steal more from the Fine Arts Complex, if need be? Then slather your hairless chest with it and get ready for the question. When the time is right, stand up in the middle of your sad Schenker lecture, let out a primal roar to set the mood, and rip off your HuskyTHON tee shirt like the Incredible Hulk you are to reveal the letter of your answer, shining in the fluorescent light. We recommend doing your chest in one letter and your back in the other, but feel free to work in some arms or legs if your professor likes to get tricky.
4.) Notes to your TA:
If life is a game, flirting with your TA is the practice round. This method works especially well when you have to spell out your answer, because while the other bozos are busy hitting left-arrow, left-arrow, left-arrow, you’ve already got your word down, and are now decorating the perimeter with doodles of Jonathan and writing “will you go to Mirror Lake with me?” surrounded by little hearts. Once the question is closed, march your way up to the front of the class, and seductively slide your note across the table. Throw in a “you’re the second most important man in my life… after Homer Babbidge” to show them that not only are you available, you’re intelligent.
3.) Human lettering:
At all the football games, on the off chance UConn scores a touchdown, the cheerleaders spell out UConn with their arms. Don’t let them monopolize arm alphabets, use it for your own personal gain! When the professor announces a clicker question, jump up with some pep in your step and start spelling the letter out. This method is especially useful if your lecture is in Laurel, where the bright lights and sloping seats mean that your professor couldn’t miss you if they tried.
2.) Plain Ol’ Yelling:
Is your lecture in ITE, Austin, or, best of all, the Chemistry building? Odds are, you can hear the unenthusiastic drone of your crypt-keeper professor all the way from the back row, because these buildings have acoustics more powerful than the Von der Mehden Recital Hall. Though it may seem uncouth, don’t be afraid to let your inner wild dog shine with good old fashioned yelling. When the professor announces the clicker question, just start screaming your letter out. Bonus points if you can startle the girl next to you into spilling her Freshens everywhere. We can’t promise your professor will like this one, but we can guarantee you’ll get credit for attendance that day.
1.) Shadow puppet sign language:
Arguably the most complex, this method is for those Huskies who have no intention of ever buying batteries again. Strap in for a full semester of those bougie puppetry courses and be well on your way to a job at the Ballard Institute. With the simple tools of your iPhone flashlight and the hands that your momma gave you, project your paws all over the walls with your revolutionary question submissions. If you’re really crafty, say it’s for an interdisciplinary study, and you might even get written up by the pinnacle of Fake News, The Daily Campus.
If you have literally no money, don’t despair. Get credit for your clicker questions, and remember that humans can go three weeks without food. Soon enough, you’ll be back to wasting your money on half-mile sober rides and late night DP Dough.