Well, here we are. After all this time we are now down to only two UConn drunk food destinations. The Final Four consisted of pizza vs. pizza, and wings vs. cookies, oddly. To be honest, it wasn’t exciting at all. Let’s find out what drunk food you degenerates voted for in round two of march sadness.
D.P. Dough: 61%, Blaze Pizza: 39%
This is some bullshit. If you want actual quality food that doesn’t take 12 hours to make then you bet your ass you’re walking into Blaze after a long, awkward night at Grille 86. We’re taking bets on how long before they mysteriously close down again. D.P. Dough is UConn’s favorite weekend food brothel, apparently, and you’ll never not feel in danger while you’re in there waiting for your precious pizza alternative.
Let’s all say a prayer for our friends at Blaze Pizza. Those workers would die for us, and if you want six different types of cheese on your pizza, you fucking get six different types of cheese on your pizza. UConn has disrespected a LeBron James-owned restaurant, I’m sure that will go well. At least Kobe still shows up to the women’s games.
The last word, however, goes to D.P. Dough, as you gotta love a calzone company with a good Twitter burn:
Wings Over: 73%, Insomnia: 27%
More disrespect. It’s weird as fuck that a cookie shop got matched up with a wings place, but oh well. If you really think about it… are you going for the “LARGEST, MEATIEST, TASTIEST wings available,” or are you going for the “MAJOR RAGER?” (It’s an 18-pack of cookies, calm down, pal.)
If you said wings, you must be like… so cool. You must chase Dubra shots with pussy. If you’re a true UConn student and spend your days slaving over homework in Homer Badbitch, the Insomnia cravings, and actual insomnia symptoms, will slap you in the face like a Red Line driver switch.
This sets up quite the final matchup: D.P. Dough vs. Wings Over. A battle of the ‘Zones vs. the Hangar Combos, and it’s a real toss-up. Make sure you vote this week on Twitter @blacksheepuconn, and remember, #FireGeno.
Time for the FINAL ROUND! Cast your vote in the 2018 UConn Drunk Food Bracket! (thread) pic.twitter.com/hJHsWgyDcP
— The Black Sheep UConn (@blacksheepuconn) April 3, 2018