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The Gashlycrumb Tinies of UConn

This month for SPOOKConn, we figured why not go all out with a send off to one of the creepier tales famous for killing kids. We eat this kind of scary for breakfast nowadays, but killing kids can still be fun. Here you are with the Gashlycrumb Tinies of UConn. 

A  is for Amelia, splattered by Blue Line

B  is for Brucie, choked in McMahon trying to dine

C  is for Chad, OD’d at his frat

D  is for Doug, suffocated by his Husky hat

E  is for Eileen, came on and overplayed by Ted

F  is for Ferdinand, fell out of his lofted bed

G  is for Graham, drowned in Mirror Lake

H  is for Humphrey, tried to run with his fake

I  is for Irene, offed by a fever

J  is for Jacqueline, couldn’t handle a Beaver

K  is for Krystal, got lost in North Garage

L  is for Louie, gave the wrong girl a massage

M  is for Maury, left in the wrong sober ride

N  is for Naury, rode her bike off the road side

O  is for Opie, poisoned by booze

P  is for Pedro, sneezed during his tattoos

Q  is for Quetzal, fell down Laurels stairs

R  is for Rutger, squeezed too tight by Arjonas chairs

S  is for Siskel, who was cruisin’ for a bruisin’

T  is for Tuition, blown up by Susan

V  is for Violet, ran out of air during a blow

W  is for Wesley, snorted way too much “snow”

X  is for Xander, clobbered by Pats Fans

Y  is for Yolanda, starved with no meal plan

Z  is for Zack, from wind chill turned blue

One letter is missing, because fuck U

 

(Legal note: Killing kids is NOT fun.) 

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