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Minute-by-Minute Breakdown of the UConn Mac ‘n Cheese Kid

2 years ago the UConn community was rocked with a viral video that shocked the nation and, well, probably just kind of spun out of control. We republish this Timehop article because we think it’s important that “one study history in order to learn from its mistakes,” – Littlefinger, Game of Thrones. So to all you freshmen out there, know that getting drunk and throwing  a tantrum don’t end well, babydoll. 

A new viral video is blowing up in the UConn community. Last night video surfaced of a 19 year old UConn student who really, really wanted some Mac and Cheese. This kid wanted Mac and Cheese as much as Walt Jr. wanted breakfast. He wanted it as bad as CHOCOLATE! guy from SpongeBob wanted chocolate. He wanted it so bad as to rack up an assault charge and make an ass of himself in front of everyone to get his liquid gold.

Unfortunately for him, acting like a douche on camera in a public place for 9+ minutes didn’t end well, and we have the highlights for you.

0:04 — Like the antler in the direwolf’s throat of GoT, foreshadowing looms early as the manager asks MACK (Mac And Cheese Kid) if he wants to get expelled. “EXPELLED!?” You might find yourself on MACK’s side on this point, but boy are you in for a ride.

 

0:10 — The demands are made loud and clear: MACK wants his fuckin’ bacon jalapeno mac and cheese, and he will stop at nothing to get the cheesy goodness he deserves.

 

0:26 — MACK loudly asks the audience “Hey, can I have a beer in here?” He is immediately met with deadpan “no.” He asks if this is America, unaware that America’s drinking age is 21.

 

0:34 — The question of “how old are you” is asked,  without skipping a beat MACK answers “19.” Fuckin’ deal with it I’m 19 and I’m drunk in a university building thinks MACK, king of the universe.

 

0:52 —  MACK seems to gain some sense, begs the manager that he’s “very hungry man.” Well MACK, maybe you should’ve stayed in the dorm, cooked some “Hungry Man Dinner for One” in your greasy microwave and masturbated before crying yourself to sleep like your normal weekend.

 

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Look at that smug fucking face. He knows he’s putting on a show now.

 

1:21 —  MACK realizes he is on camera, flips off camera man while uttering weird half laugh half grunt sound. Weird shit man, is this all his plan? Are we all being duped right now.

 

1:30 — “He’s gonna post this and you’re gonna look like a fuckin tool” ou contraire, MACKy boy!

 

1:52 —  First point of contact! Things are heating up.

 

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Classic entitled-drunk-guy move right here.

 

2:45 — Cafe lady comes in hot with the classic “if you’re gonna fight take it outside” suggestion. She isn’t worried about MACK getting his face caved in, she just doesn’t want to have to deal with it. Respect it.

 

2:55 — MACK realizes the manager is her boss.

 

3:06 — MACK realizes he’s her boss.

 

3:10 — MACK realizes he’s her boss.

 

3:12 — MACK realizes he’s her FUCKING boss.

 

3:40 — MACK tells the manager that he is an idiot for not calling the cops and to “DO it now Retard.” Ask and you shall receive MACK.

 

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Ugh. MACK’s semi is totally on that poor guy’s leg right now.


3:44 —  MACK channels his inner Shia Lebeouf with a resounding “DO IT.”

 

4:30 — MACK lets us all know that money isn’t the issue here and he will pay. After a bit of research, we found he is from Bayville, NY. Meaning he learned early and often money is the answer to everything.

 

4:43 — MACK drops a SuperBad reference here (credit given where due, MACK the mac and cheese fiend). When asked his name he replies “McLovin” and then spelling it out, incorrectly. A real sharp one if you can’t tell by now.

 

5:20 — MACK offers one final peaceful offer “Just give me my bacon jalapeno mac and cheese and I’ll leave.” Oh ok, so just give you what you want that’s Bartering 101 right? This was beginning to become very reminiscent of Michael Douglas in Falling Down, “I just want, some breakfast.”

 

5:35 — MACK is told that drinking a beer in the Union is against the rules? (who would’ve thought?) and has the eloquent and clever reply, “what rules? FUCK rules.

 

Yeah man, fuck rules!

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 9.59.15 AM

Look at The Chef. He’s about to drop the hammer.

 

6:14 —  MACK gives the manager a hard push, and then the highlight. The Chef comes storming in, with a flawless, majestic, full nelson headlock. Hey Vince Mcmahon, sign this guy. Chef then transitions to a perfect slam and quickly ends the situation. MACK is dead to rights.

 

6:28 — The Chef pins down MACK while letting him explicitly know that he is down and the show is over. Not much in life is worse than having a Union cook’s sweaty grundle in your face.

 

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6:35 — Chef lets MACK know “You don’t touch my boss!” not often do you get to put an entitled asshole in his place and get a raise at the same damn time. This man is the real MVP.

 

6:46 — Possibly the best part of the video. This is when the manager, who was just trying to do his job, and was using every fiber in his being not to knock this kid into next week, finally gets a little payback. Classic slam of the head to the throat choke. MACK pleads one last time that he “was just trying to get food” and our boy The Chef had to explain that you can’t do that by committing assault. Solid advice.

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 10.01.50 AM

It would be really weird if he like, came right here right? Not saying he did, just that it’d be weird. Anyway…

 

7:00 — We now just await police arrival, the Chef keeps chirping the hungriest man at UConn, and lets everyone know the show is over.

 

7:58 — UConn PD enters the union and the situation is close to over.

 

8:04 — The exact moment reality hits MACK square in the balls as he releases a bellowing “Fuck.”

 

8:05 — MACK lets go of a chain of fucks, and uses adjectives such as absolutely fucked to express how fucked he is. Then he finally gets his priorities straight, “where the fuck are my shoes?!”

 

  

Clip credit to Barstool.

8:40 — The police officer is wayyyyy too nice on this punk, helping him slowly to his feet.

8:57 — To end, MACK tries to save face after crying, and demands the manager “puts his keys in his pocket” followed by spitting in the poor dude’s face. He then gets the exit he deserves as the cop uses MACK’s dome piece as a door opener. Can’t break what’s already broken.

Well, there ya have it folks. MACK goes down in a blaze of glory (shame) and will most likely never be heard from again. Especially considering this is his third arrest, with the first two coming within two weeks of each other at UMass. There is just no place for acting like a complete dick to hard working UConn kitchen staff. A bit ironic actually since MACK works as kitchen staff at Mt. Hood, according to his Facebook. We also want to take a quick moment to shout out the Union staff for keeping control of the situation, not beating this kid’s brains in, which would have been very reasonable, and of course the chef for “ENDING IT.” And remember, if you are hammered, a dickhead, and have parents who don’t love you, Easy Mac in the dorm is your best option. And also maybe sobriety.

Hey while you’re here listen to our podcast with a UConn alum who was THERE!

 

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