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Not Really New But Sort of Improved Ted’s Restaurant & Bar: A Review

You know that feeling when you meet a girl in class post-Thirsty Thursday, last night’s makeup smudged under her eyes, but she’s got a cute smile so you go for it? Then date night comes and she’s looking hot af, earning yourself a pat on the back for powering through her Miss. Congeniality process for the double win? Anyone who’s not a freshman got a swift reminder of this feeling when they walked through the new and improved Ted’s Restaurant & Bar ™ last week. Waxed floors, open bar space, and that irresistible-yet-familiar charisma that keeps everyone coming back for more has got Huskies rolling through the doors faster than free t-shirt announcements.  

With a menu that’s willing to offer more than you could ever want, especially being three Beavers in and anything with salt tastes just as orgasmic as drinking the tears of Jesus, Ted’s has got your back.

To provide the UConn student body with the most accurate and honest report, The Black Sheep selflessly analyzed a handful of their appetizers and drinks, just to make sure everything is just as delicious as we remember pre-renovation (it was). To anyone looking for the full Ted’s experience ranging from great food to greater booze, we officially recommend the nachos, onion rings, loaded nachos, and of course any Beaver in all shapes, sizes and colors.

Bars are notoriously known for their sweaty atmosphere and lack of breathing room, or in other words, every frat party but with less Solo cups and excuses exposed for “abs.” Ted’s heard the silent plea and took action by knocking down the clunky wall separating the bar from… the extra ten feet of sweaty breathing room (but who will forget playing Big Game Hunter sandwiched between a wall and a row of stinking drunkards?).

Seriously, with the new wide open spaces students have much more leeway room to not spill drinks, more visibility to actually see their friends across the way, as well as that creepy guy staring from the bar before he actually approaches, giving you enough time to dance your way out the door over to Huskies.

What semblance of a Ted’s review would this be without talking about the one and only Beaver? As seen above, the blue Beaver is for those who need a tropical getaway, provided by a coconut-y blend of more alcohol than you’d want to know.

Although the Beaver hasn’t changed in ten years, and the menu has remained identical to how it looked before the renovations. But why fix what’s not broken! The Beaver is and will continue to prevail no matter what Ted’s looks like, a pride Huskies take in knowing UConn has one of the most infamous and long-lived bars on campus.

Any student who has been at UConn longer than a week and a half knows that it’s not what’s on the outside, but what’s on the inside that counts. Of course this only applies when referring to the new Ted’s. If you’re looking for that one night only drunken rendezvous then definitely put what’s on the outside as your number one priority. But when it comes to the delicious classics that you’re guaranteed will stay the same, the new look is just an added sexy bonus.

Can’t wait to get drunk tonight? Pass the time with our podcast! 

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