Do you have points on your meal plan? Have you been recklessly spending them like there’s no tomorrow? Did you run out of points even though it’s only the first week of October? We understand your struggle. Here are 5 easy ways you can further disappoint your parents and loved ones by digging a deeper financial hole for yourself in just one week.
Monday — Print literally everything and anything at Homer B:
Who needs a printer or basic school supplies like a stapler or a pen when there’s pens on the ground, staplers at the front desk, and expensive, obese printers at good ol’ Homer Babbidge? Print your 15 page essay minutes before class, this article, or funny memes from your group chat, and attach them to your assignment for pity points. As a broke college student, this is a guaranteed way to waste your Plan B option in this scenario, and therefore, when the famous question “Points or Husky Bucks?” comes your way, you can proudly and surely announce “Points,” with a shaky smile, as that is your literal only option. This way you can ensure that you run out of points and a will to live faster (both have a very high correlation).
Tuesday — Eat, like 5 of the fancy sandwiches at the Beanery:
As an old, weary Husky, dining halls become less appealing to you by the day. Making ramen in your microwave for breakfast in the morning honestly seems like a more valuable and reasonable option than dragging yourself to Putnam for undercooked hash brown patties and one egg. But one can pretend to live a life of luxury by having a (not-so-boozy) brunch at the Beanery. Marking all 4-5 meals of the day with grilled cheeses galore, bread bowls, and a perfect amount of panini-to-sandwich ratio, your points will be gone long before the week’s over. Woohoo! You’re doing it!
Wednesday — Offer to buy your friends a whole ass meal at the Union:
Times are tough, with midterms season approaching, and various strains of the plague going around, it is important for Huskies to look out for one another. Getting your friend a meal at the Union would drastically reduce the amount of points one has, especially if all of your friends decide to get crispy chicken salads and mac n’ cheese all at once! Squad rolls in starving and sleep deprived, squad rolls out full, considerably more broke, and still sleep deprived.
Thursday — Go to Chuck & Augies and ball out:
Taking yourself or a loved one after smoking weed to Chuck & Augies is a great way to practice self-care or have a romantic date on campus. After 3 p.m., Chuck & Augies allows you to use your points to pay for your meal. Try your best not to stare at the poor student waiter for 10 minutes with bloodshoot eyes before making your decision. With most items on the menu that can be classified as an appropriate serving size for your high appetite priced over $10, you can be sure to lose many a point here, AND pretend to be classy while doing it.
Friday — Get an espresso drink every time you walk by Bookworms:
Options for soft-core cocaine (coffee) are limited on campus, and at dining halls the coffee tastes like dirty water and makes you shit a ton. But good news! Bookworms has new espresso drinks, ranging from a dirty chai to your classic cappuccino or caramel macchiato. Those points will be gone a$ap rocky.
And so, Huskies (and freshmen) treat yourself and use your Husky One Card as if it were one of your many debit cards. Spend those #points and don’t look back.