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SUBOG’s Music Festival Lineup Made Nobody Nut

After waiting for over a month since SUBOG announced it was having a spring music festival, they blue-balled the entire campus with an interesting lineup, to say the least. Let’s run through the degenerates who’ll be showing up:

Student Performer:
Did they not know “UConn’s got talent” was a thing? Sure they’ll perform well at an audition in a small room, but in front of thousands of inebriated Huskies who overpaid to listen to someone who already isn’t worth the money? Good luck.

They aren’t on iTunes, so…so far we’ve got a student performer probably singing someone else’s songs, and GrooveBoston who apparently doesn’t have any original songs. Cool.

Bad Bunny:
A Latin trap and reggaeton singer… no comment.

Tory Lanez:
The cover boy of auto tune. At least he has some traction in the music world, but his features are better than his own music. His most popular song is probably “Litty” with Meek Mill, but that dude’s in jail so #FreeMeek.

It’s going to be uncomfortable knowing most of the people in the audience at a college music festival are older than the headliner. Won’t be finding him at Ted’s after, but it would be funny to see the bouncer rip up Khalid’s fake ID, considering there is actually no other person in the world that looks like Khalid. And if you weren’t already depressed before he performs, prepare to be after.

Don’t just take our word for it. The Black Sheep sat down/stood up with a few unsatisfied ticket holders to get their honest, uncut opinion about the festival lineup. Were they drunk? That is still up for interpretation.

UConnic Music Fest Artist Reveal

Still happy you bought UCONNIC tickets?

Posted by The Black Sheep at UConn on Monday, March 5, 2018

So, no Post Malone. Not even Migos, or Quavo by himself. SUBOG admitted in their cute presentation at the reveal party that they had 11 months to plan. Admittedly they did a good job appealing to multiple demographics, but why are the tickets so damn expensive? The $30,000 we pay just to go here apparently doesn’t include a festival for the students put on by a student group that’s funded by, you guessed it, all the students.

Paying $65 for floor seats and $45 for a birds-eye view to see Tory Lanez run laps around Khalid’s melodramatic mood is scary. If it were Post Malone or Migos, would the tickets be $100 with a $7 cover charge at the door? Find out next time when SUBOG returns with another subpar concert announcement.

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