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The Top 10 Potential Suitors From Sunday’s Buy or Sell Personal Ad

Every once in a while a Buy or Sell post will go viral for no reason. But the best part is never the post itself. It’s the deranged comments that make us question the mental stability of the UConn student body. This past Sunday evening a young woman was seen desperately looking for an “attractive (and nice)” guy in Uconn Buy or Sell to take her to GPHI formal and to say the least, she had some takers.

10.) The Flaming Homosexual:

The day a girl realizes men are ass is the day she decides she’d rather have a gay best friend. They understand the assness that is straight men, and always talk you up to feel like the most beautiful bitch in the land. Thanks, flaming homosexual, for being the one male commenter who didn’t want to touch her asshole.

9.) The Supportive Girl Friend:

Every girl needs her girl posse to fend off the creeps and make her feel like a star. Facebook is the perfect place for this because you can give your undying support while secretly hating the bitch. I’m not saying that’s what is happening here, but this “compliment” is severely lacking an over abundance of exclamation points.

8.) The person who needs to identify everything as iconic:

Nothing exciting can be happening until that one person shouts out that it’s exciting. Sargent Pep’s delivery? ICONIC. The prude of the group put their finger down for a risqué never have I ever question? FUCKING ICONIC. So yeah, this post would be nothing without you.

7.) The Politician:

All ICONIC posts need at least one person who sets everyone straight by killing the humor vibe with their political views. It’s a good point, guy who recognizes human trafficking for what it is and wants to protect this ladies virtue, but we’re okay with it.

6.) Whose mans is this?:

Remember those creeps you need your BFF’s to help give a swift kick to the nuts to? Yeah, that’s this guy. This is either copy and pasted from an unpublished Nicholas Sparks novel, or a spawn of Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs. Either way, run bitch run.

5.) The Warrior:

He’s your knight in shining tin foil, the bravest of all the suitors. He probably doesn’t physically look like this shiny, muscly, smoldering, sexy beast of a man, but I bet his soul does. Just ask this BFF commenter; even he would drop his panties from under his Macy’s junior formal section dress for him.

4.) The classic:

Lawl, we get it. It’s a Buy or Sell post so it must be selling something. Funny. Oh there’s more? Riiight, the whole “she’s a human she can’t have a negotiable price to her name” joke…maybe we should check back with human trafficking guy? In the meantime, thank you commenter, for being one of too many to make this joke again.

3.) The 14 year old:

I didn’t know Buy or Sell allowed E.O. Smith pricks into its population pool, but lo and behold here he is. You gotta give the idiot credit for respectfully and innocently asking this girl out for a good time though. Here’s to you kid.

2.) Ew:

Oh no, what are you doing Joseph? This shit ass pickup line with that cringingly awkward mirror selfie? And don’t think we didn’t notice the strategic placement of the paper towels to hide your micro penis.

1.) Scared and Deflecting:

Damn, he took it too far. So he does what any smart troll would do, fake an excuse and create a diversion by throwing someone else under the bus, covering his escape. So long Joseph, your ambition is the strongest we’ve seen all year.

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