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The Top 5 Drunk Food Places in Glastonbury, CT

Glastonbury is an undeniably beautiful town to pass through, but it’s a mind-numbingly boring place to grow up. Like a precious town of the 60’s, G-bury children are forced to rely on their imaginations for a good time until they’re 21, or the day their fake ID comes. No matter what town you’re from, no drunken night — or morning — is complete without a mess of food to top it off. Here are 5 of the best restaurants in Glastonbury to do just that.

5.) Plan B Burger Bar:

You come for the booze but stay for the burgers. While most drunkards scope out the nearest McDonald’s to quench their greasy thirst, Glastonburians won’t settle for less than overpriced grease to remind themselves that they’re never short of daddy’s money. Plan B may be the most happenin’ suburban next to Rooftop 120, but it beats out all other competitors with its impressive menu of burgers. Whether you’re still in the played out gluten-free phase or living the veggie life, Plan B has got you covered.

4.) Moe’s Southwest Grill:

“I miss high school so much, I wish I could go back,” said no one. But the days of turning in before the rest of Storrs starts pre-gaming will eventually catch up to a Husky, sooner or later finding themselves in the sweaty midst of a GHS mob stumbling off two shots of Smirnoff, catching their last minute Moe’s before its 9 p.m. closing. Sure you could take the adult route down the street to Chipotle, but nothing sooths the spins like hearing the 3 words seductive enough to make your panties drop, “welcome to Moe’s!”

3.) Giovanni’s Brick Oven Pizzeria:

Every town has its slutty side — some classier than others. Gburbs is too concerned about reputation to handle a Hooters, but they need to let loose somehow. A compromise was made in the name of She’s the Man, showing off its man-with-a-plan exterior while hiding a badass girl looking to bang Channing Tatum and whip out her jugs, also known as Giovanni’s. Easily one of the best pizza places around, Giovanni’s serves up a delicious pie with an appetizer of voluptuous “garlic knots,” both known to be drool worthy. The pizza may be gone in minutes, but at least you’re given something to think about during drunk car sex later at Riverfront Park.

2.) Commerce Eatery:

When the club’s going up on a Tuesday, this is the perfect morning after grease-fest for Huskies on summer break with no actual responsibilities. This hidden gem may be off the average Gburb’s radar. With food that’s seasoned and buttered to absolute perfection, the one downside is only being open on weekdays. So those who are actually adulting will have to settle for the Saturday hangover headache amplified by an overcrowded Glastonbury Coffee Shop.

1.) Ken’s Corner Breakfast and Lunch:

Any true Gbury native knows that Ken’s Corner is THE ultimate breakfast joint in town, or as everyone else knows it, that place where Jason Segel was spotted. Whether it’s 7 a.m. and the drunk is still high rolling or you’re trying to cure the hangover, nothing hits the spot like an overflowing stacked platter of anything your irresponsible ass can think of. The tight quarters are a bit of a culture shock in such a big town, but the service-with-a-smile wait staff will always welcome you back from the wild night out, politely ignoring how fucked up you look.

You can never go wrong when it comes to drunken binge-eating, especially in Glastonbury. And while you may not find the same amount of fun that’s in Storrs ( or any fun at all), just like turning a 4 into a 10, booze-infused cuisine can make Gbury look like one hell of a town.

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