It’s spring advising season at UConn, and this year, department faculty seem to be taking a different approach to scheduling appointments. We took a look at the universally confusing AdvApp system, and were surprised to see “special” appointment slots scheduled at the Depot Campus, specifically Knight Hospital.
According to community reports, students are quite intrigued by this sudden change, many individuals claiming that they’ve never been inside the Depot Campus before, let alone had an advising appointment scheduled there.
“I don’t usually schedule an advising appointment. I’ve been here for 10 years and I don’t think my advisor even works at UConn anymore. That being said, the idea of exploring Depot and not getting arrested is pretty cool” said 14th semester senior Zac Moriarty.
We’ve attempted to contact multiple faculty advisors to get some insight on this strange shift in university policy, many of which have been sighted being shuffled into Knight Hospital by university police late at night. We positioned one of our writers outside the Bousfield building to question one of UConn’s most notorious psych advisors, Erik Erikson.
“This is the result of years of research and millions of dollars of student dues. We believe that the fear and mystery associated with the Depot Campus will engage a familiar anxiety in most student’s brains for their futures, and they will schedule appointments.”
And in due fashion, the appointment slots are quickly filling up, causing quite a stir in the UConn community. There has been a surge in Purple Line bus riders, all making their way to the Depot campus area for advising sessions.
“This is so exciting. Haven’t you heard the stories about Depot? I want to catch some live paranormal footage on my phone to put on Youtube. I hope the SyFy channel picks it up,” said senior film studies major, Heather Donahue.
Advisors have reportedly been circulating emails to advisees stating “Bring nothing. Tell no one.” This is quite a shift from normal procedure, which typically calls for a plan of study, spring class choices, full career trajectory, and 401k plans.
“Because I didn’t have to spend an hour figuring out how to navigate student admin to find my plan of study, it gave me plenty of time to get properly loaded before my session” said junior psychology major, Adrian Michelson. “I hope my advisor doesn’t notice.”
We’ve decided to see what the fuss is all about, and have scheduled our own sessions this week. Even though there’s no hold on our accounts, and hasn’t been since freshman year, we can’t wait to get in there and race each other Mario Kart style down the decrepit halls of Knight Hospital.