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5 Reasons Why UConn is Suddenly Back To Being F*cking Awesome Again

 

And just like that, we went from move in day to throwing a hoody on and patiently waiting for Tom Brady come back. Until that happens, it’s important to keep in mind that UConn is dope as shit and there is no reason why everybody shouldn’t celebrate by getting piss drunk this weekend (and maybe arranging a boisterous Clown-hunting mob).

 

5.) The Campus:
Storrs is located in the middle of nowhere CT for a reason. The founding brothers of this campus stood atop Horse Barn Hill and saw its tremendous trap potential. Miles away from civilization, UConn allows students to evolve into a new form of ratchet, free from the judgment of adults and those in “the real world.” Christ, there are fucking clowns roaming around campus, and if that’s not pretty awesome what is? Here you can yell “FUCK THE POLICE” and rip a shot of Dubra, just as long as it’s not in front of the armada of state troopers that troll campus at night.

 

4.) The Weather:
It’s fall in New England. California has the warm sunny winters, Colorado has the Rocky Mountains, and we get to break out our North Face and Uggs and watch the leaves change color while sipping on a PSL. However, it seems as if the magical season of fall lasts only a few weeks before students are forced to bundle up in multiple layers of clothing to avoid getting frostbite from the blizzard like winds here at Yukon. Live it up while your face is still unfrozen.

 

3.) This isn’t Eastern:
That should be a good enough reason for you. In fact, write this on your mirror as a reminder that things could be much, much worse every morning. 

 

2.) Basketball Season is Approaching:
Haters will say it’s fake but UConn takes the phrase “ball is life” pretty seriously. Kevin Ollie recently told us “In fact, life is ball.” Deep. Basketball puts this school on the map, championship trophies on the shelf, and a reason to get fucked up in our hearts. The fall semester calls for a time for students to get together and shit on all the other schools that square up against our players.

 

1.) Brad Paisley:
Unless you’ve been living under a rock the last week, then you know that Country music legend Brad Paisley is gracing us all with his Godly voice this Friday. The best part: it’s free. If you were one of the few lucky enough to receive tickets in the lottery, then you’re probably pre-gaming as we speak. If you weren’t so lucky, then you’re probably one of the many shameless students begging for them on Buy & Sell. We Huskies consider ourselves pretty altruistic, so most of our poor selves can get our hands on some in exchange for a dank swipe or some home baked cookies.

 

Last week, between midterms and the plague, things were looking pretty shit here at UConn. But sometimes you just need to look at the glass half full, especially if that glass is filled with vodka and you are sharpening a stick into a proper spear to take out some scary ass clown freaks at Storrs cemetery. Maybe we can even convince Brad to join in on our mob.

 

It’s homecoming season, so get ready for some old dudes to buy you some beer.

 
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