As UConn students, we can all relate this post, and The Black Sheep encourages you all to provide some input for SUBOG so we can actually have some sort of upside to the police state that Storrs turns into come Spring Weekend. When this student declares that he would like others to vote on their Spring Concert of interest so we don’t get “some shit” is, he is of course referencing the indisputably shitty job on SUBOG’s part to bring actually good acts to Storrs. Tired of seeing unimaginably lame headliners taking the stage for the school that happens to be the College Basketball Center of the World, The Black Sheep has compiled a side by side comparison of concerts both past and present. Be warned: some of the names that UConn has managed to book over the past 11 years may leave you in disbelief, pissed off, and above all else, questioning who the fuck has been in charge for the past few years.
The Good: 50 Cent – 2003
Eleven years ago the student body allowed a man who has been shot nine times into Gampel Pavilion to put on a show for the ages. No, not the 50 that left the streets to pursue the whole business thing and making money — the 50 that a month BEFORE this show released his renowned album, Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Even the most upper class, suburban white boy will be able to tell you that it’s tough to listen to this album and not feel like you could take on the Bloods singlehandedly. Hate it or love it, we’re probably never going to get a in-his-prime name like 50 Cent again, but hey, at least we got two quarters back then when we’d probably only get a Nickelback now.
The Bad: Childish Gambino – 2012
I’ll never forget sitting in my dorm room when this announcement came out, googling the name Childish Gambino for the first time ever, and being confused as why the fuck UConn got the black guy from Community to do a concert. You’re a liar if when you see this guy’s face your first thought isn’t, “wait isn’t that the dude who was butt buddies with Abed in that show about community college?” Not to mention his hit song at the time was called “Firefly” which we’re pretty sure Owl City ruined for the rest of eternity.
The Good: Kanye West/Ludacris – 2004
Ten years ago Luda had the crowd shaking their moneymakers and Kanye West didn’t have to worry about Kim K showing off hers all over the internet. Not to go off on a tangent here, but how the hell is that booty even possible? Shit, put that behind on Amida Brimah’s scrawny self and we’d have another National Championship coming our way. Aaaaanyways, bottom line — All of the Lights were shining on those two stars that night, and that’s that shit I do like.
The Bad: Timeflies/Chiddy Bang – 2013
Remember that time Chiddy Bang had a one hit wonder back in like 2010? The only thing that song was good for was to get your grind on at your high school’s homecoming dance and if you’re lucky, a make out session in the bathroom. As for Timeflies? Maybe we’d go if UConn was a school for 15 year old fan girls who think the lead singer is hot. Not to mention that this concert was in fucking Jorgensen. What is the logic behind putting on shows for intoxicated college students in the same venue that my Grandmother forced me to watch The Nutcracker with her when I was 10, but that’s just me.
The Good: Kendrick Lamar/Steve Aoki – 2013
We had to throw this recent one in here to remind everyone that there may be SOME hope that we actually are able to get someone good this year. Sure, my memory of this show might be a little fuzzy because I thought splitting a handle of Dubra beforehand was a good idea, but holy shit will I never forget Ryan Boatright in an inflatable raft getting cake pelted at him. Maybe if we all use The Art of Peer Pressure we’ll be able to get names like these back here instead of irrelevant artists that nobody cares about…..
The Bad: Matt and Kim/Sage the Gemini – 2014
Anddddd we were wrong. Arguably the worst on this list came just last month, or a few weeks ago… no one knows because no one actually went. First off, “Matt and Kim coming to the Jorgensen” sounds like more of a weird porno than a music group. Did UConn not realize that the only people who listen to this shit are the kids that set up the tightropes around campus and somehow have fun for hours? Additionally you really have to question who made the decision to hire an artist who has Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback on his neck.
So students of UConn let’s get our act together and convince Susan to actually bring in someone that will actually sell out Gampel Pavilion now that Shabazz is gone. Specifically, we’re looking at you Drake, make up for your foolishness of being a Kentucky fan and give us a good ass apology show.
If you liked this article and want more, follow us on Twitter! We’re new to UConn, but we promise we’ll try to write better grabage than the rest of the garbage out there.