This week’s daddy is a capital f Father to a BMW he never shuts up about. He’s more than just eye-candy; he’s an intellectual. This is, Jade Roy the Dark Chocolate Toy. Daddy has a full time job lined up for him the minute he graduates, and will spread his love across any country he gets to travel to. This extra hot, delectable cup of chai is single and ready to warm you up from the inside.
Relationship status: Single, but hopeful.
Dad Joke: “How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.'”
Frat: Get that shit out of here.
Tell us about your first kiss:
It was in middle school. I was in the hallway chilling, when this girl I would always try to get at (but would always fail) was rolling out of school and just pecked me on the lips. Hopeless romantic since then.
Most romantic thing you’ve ever done?:
I can’t think of a grand gesture. I’m a big fan of the little things. Showing up with soup and candy if she’s sick, deliver Insomnia to her. Doesn’t everybody do that?
How many hours of care do you put into your car a week?:
Stop ripping me! Lot of pride there, I saved up for her. My mom taught me to work hard as fuck and I got there… but like 2-3 hours.
What size shoe are you?:
13 usually, 12 in boots.
Picture this; laurel hall, midnight, you, Susan Herbst. Course of action?:
I order some Insomnia, satisfy her sweet tooth so she doesn’t go for the 99% Hershey Dark Chocolate standing in front of her (she pretty hot I’m not about it). Then I get some Wings Over, DC-10, satiate the beast inside of her. We start with some small talk, I ease her into it, get her used to the singsong manner of my deep voice, then I dive in. Politics, construction, campus-wide ethical issues. She’s getting the meat sweats, doesn’t know what to do. My final question? “What did you do with that big, double sided dildo?”
How far would you go for a promotion?
Seeing how all my bosses are males, first base? Maybe a little OTPHJ (Over the pants hand job, for you prudes who don’t know that.)
I’m getting my racing license over the summer, so my wife and I (this is a dream) go to Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps in Belgium. I’ll buy a Belgian chocolate lollipop, and my wife (Isabél) will lick my cheek.
Would you fuck Trump if he promised to resign after the fact?:
Nah my black people wouldn’t be happy with that.
If given the chance, would you play Christian Grey in another 50 shades movie?:
100%. Less BDSM and more love making.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?:
Germany. Working for BMW by day, whiskey by a fire in a red velvet robe by night.
Do you get bowls or burritos when you go to Chipotle?:
Absolutely bowls. You get the to-go top and shake it up. Mm.
Tell us a fun fact:
I really don’t fuck with spiders. If you’re interested in me, let’s say we kick it off after a night of wining and dining, before we kiss I will whisper “you’re in charge of spider killing.”
Which animal is the biggest asshole of the animal kingdom?:
Monkeys or Gorillas. They’re most like humans and we’re assholes.
If you had 3 hours to spend 10k, what would you do?:
I’d book a vacation to Singapore. Make a stop in Tokyo. There’s a train that goes straight from Singapore to Tokyo shits fire.
Which one of your toes is the ugliest? Describe it the way one would describe an enemy:
I have really nice feet, I keep my shit in line. But my pinky toe is the least lit of my toes? Like the nail isn’t completely straight so basically “you crooked little bitch.”
What are you most looking forward to?:
My mom getting married to her current boyfriend. He makes her so happy; just thinking about being at her wedding, and seeing her that elated. I’d cry. I haven’t cried in 10 years, but I’ll cry. I’d get them a weekend spa getaway somewhere in the mountains, where they can find some hot springs, or maybe make some cool springs hot.
If you’d like to be featured as a Daddy DM our Twitter account because we forgot the email password, we’ll do the rest.
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