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UConn Daddy of the Week: Kevin of DG

This week’s daddy is a certified DG Daddy who goes by Kevin. Kevin has a self-prescribed micro-penis that he’s shown to an unknown number of people. It could be 1, it could be 1,000. If you want Kevin to slap on his floss-thin-thong and waltz around your apartment, too bad, because Kevin is married. 

Name: Kevin
Grade: Senior
Major: Mathematics-Statistics
Relationship Status: Married
Frat: DG
Dad joke: Just finished that documentary about beavers. Best dam movie I’ve ever seen.

Tell us about your first night of college:

I walked down to Hunting Lodge with a few friends hoping to find somewhere to drink the inch of Burnett’s I had poured into a Poland Springs bottle. We followed a little group into the basement of a random house (I think Zeta Psi) and I realized I was wearing my high school Safe Grad shirt. I went outside, flipped it inside out, and was stopped at the door coming back in, where I was told I must show my penis to return to the party. Ended up negotiating and doing 10 pushups instead, but needless to say that was the moment I decided Greek Life was for me.

What is your least favorite car model? Describe it as if it were a working class human:

The PT Cruiser is an obese 56 year old divorced Enterprise employee who has 3 different craigslist accounts that he uses to post in the “personals” section about looking for an “under 21 hunny” to hook up with.

Preferred clothing to wear while running?

I have this dope polar bear skin thong but my friends told me I can’t wear it too often so I stick to either a long piece of floss or a yard of caution tape. Just running shorts if it’s the sabbath.

Describe a perfect day:

8:00 a.m. — My mom wakes me up with a 15 second kiss on the lips.

What is the ugliest thing about you?:

Gotta be the micropenis.

If you were stranded on an island with one celebrity who would you chose?:

Marilyn Manson because I honestly have so many questions for him (her?).

How do you feel about your hypothetical children calling you daddy?:

As long as they let me spank them it’s fine.

If you were a beer which beer would you beer?:

I’d have to say Keystone. Nobody actually likes me but for some reason frat boys are always talking about me.

What animal do you most resemble?:

Seahorse. In certain lighting my body looks almost identical to one, and the male pregnancy thing speaks for itself.

Your face, Dwayne Johnson’s body. Rate yourself:

6.5. Years of running cross country has given me the ideal male figure and The Rock doesn’t really compare.

Cannibalism or voyeurism?:

Kind of into a combo of the two. I get turned on by watching people eat each other.

What do you eat in the morning?:


What do you want to name your kids?:

Ideally I’d have seven or eight kids and name them all the same thing just so everyone’s always on their toes. I’d probably go with something gender-neutral like William or Emily so no one feels weird.

Your fart exceeds 120 dB in MCB. What do you do?:

1 – Pat myself on the back.
2 – Pack up and walk out cause as a math major in an MCB class I’m definitely in the wrong room.
3 – Check my pants in the nearest bathroom… I’ve been known to leave skid marks.

Mary-Jane or Mary-Kate-and-Ashley?

Mary-Kate and Ashley were kind of hot when they tag teamed the role of Michelle Tanner in Full House so I’ll go with them.

If you’d like to be featured as a Daddy DM our Twitter account because we forgot the email password, we’ll do the rest.

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