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UConn Daddy of the Week: Anonymous Daddy

 This weeks daddy body is better than his face so we’re sticking with the goods. He might go into heart failure any minute, or fall into an alcohol coma, or get mistaken for a 34 year old, and he definitely has some parental issues. He is….. Daddy Anonymous. 

Year: Sophomore
Major: Therapeutic Horsemanship
Relationship status: Read these answers and ask me this again.
Dad joke: What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff.

How long have you been working on your dad-bod?:
Since my father left me.

How far can you spread your toes?:
Have you ever gotten that one really long fry at McDonalds?

What is the most repulsive thing about you?:
I have a wide set vagina.

Best word in the English language?:
Cunt.

Let’s say, theoretically, you didn’t look like compressed dog shit. How would your day to day change?:
My parents would talk to me a lot more.

Describe balls as if you were explaining them to a blind person:
Words cannot explain the horror that are testes.

What is the sexiest fruit?:
Grapefruit. Microwave 30 seconds.

 

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When did your mother stop breastfeeding you?:
Not sure about breastfeeding but my mom stopped wiping my ass when I was 8.

What’s your most embarrassing college story?:
I almost failed FYE.

What’s something on amazon that you’ve always wanted to buy?:
I found these patches that you put inside your underwear that make your farts smell minty.

How many cows are there on campus?:
Are we including you?

What do you associate white trash with?:
Honey Boo Boo’s love handles.

What’s your number one fantasy?:
UConn living up to its “wet campus” label.

If a movie were made about your life, who would play you?:
Danny DeVito.

You have $20 and 24 hours to live. What do you do?:
Buy a pack of pods from Cumbies. Have a day.

If you’d like to be featured as Daddy or Mami of The Week, emailusatUConnDaddy@theblacksheeponline.com, or DM our Twitter account pictures of your butthole, we’ll do the rest.

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