This week’s daddy is the 6’3 kilt wearing, whiskey chugging, epitome of presidential shame; Protein Pumping Peter (say that 3 times fast). Despite his rugged “I can do a 5 minute keg stand” look, he’s a softy for his tortoise and his roommate, whose friendship he declared himself as “the closest to gay I’ve ever felt.” Petey might be hitting the big screen in the Jersey Shore revival, so look out for the palest of them all.
Relationship Status: Seeing somebody
Frat: Pres. of Fiji
Dad joke: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in the field.
It’s 2 a.m., you’re higher than the Tesla in orbit… McDicks or Taco Bell?:
McDicks all the way, just a normal night.
Frattiest thing you have ever done/witnessed?:
Definitely a drunken head-first ram with a buddy. Hurt like a bitch but he went soaring so definitely worth it.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?:
On a helicopter on my way to my mega yacht with my huskies and goldens…and a chick.
Which character from The Office do you relate to the most?:
Creed. I never know what the fuck I’ll do next.
You’re 43, pieces of your scalp are now visible that weren’t visible before, you’re drunk after two beers, and your favorite channel is the Discovery Channel. Your kid walks in listening to Ke$ha and complains about being born in the wrong decade. What do you do?:
Wake up, it’s a nightmare.
Daily gym routine?:
I curl 12 oz everyday.
Would the female version of you be a hell yes or a hell no?:
I’d probably smash. Hopefully the muscle mass doesn’t translate.
Creepiest thing you could say to a barista?:
“A grande? I’ll show you something that’s large.”
Snow Leopard. Fucking sick.
Most romantic thing you have ever done?:
I call myself beautiful every morning in the mirror. Gives me that extra pep.
Are you the type to cry in the shower after a long day?:
I’d rather cry on a friends shoulder.
What do you do when people sing happy birthday to you?:
A laugh-cry combo. I hate aging. It’s a countdown to death.
What is your biggest fear?:
Clowns. During that North Cemetery UConn scare I couldn’t sleep and, mind you, I live 10 minutes off campus.
Which animal do you most relate to?:
A seal. Super energetic for 20 minutes a day, and then it’s sleeping on a beach until a fish walks into their mouths. They’re also just super cute.
Describe your soul mate:
Definitely has boobs, maybe a wealthy heiress who allows me to be a house-dad. All else is up in the air, I’m pretty lenient.
Whiskey ginger, but favorite bar drink is definitely a vodka Red Bull. Nothing gets you so trashed so fast.
67 Mustang, charcoal grey, black stripes. Thing is sexy; have you seen the my strange addictions car fucking episode? Yeah. That.
Favorite pick up line?:
You’re the female equivalent of getting 11 chicken nuggets in a 10 piece box.
If you’d like to be featured as a Daddy or Mami of The Week, DM our Twitter account because we forgot the email password, we’ll do the rest.
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