Is it that point in the semester when you are just ready to lay down and die? Have you been hitting the snooze button all morning and opted to stay in the depths of your warm, cozy bed instead of going to class? Did you make eye contact with a squirrel the other day and just felt like you wanted to cry? You can feel seasonal depression creeping up on you, and you have the urge to be back on your bullshit, but sucks to be you, because Health Services does not have time for your bullshit. Like, ever. The place is constantly booked up or only taking appointments at the exact times you have class. So, here are 5 places you can go to instead to openly proclaim your depression.
5.) The quietest section of the 4th floor of Homer Babbidge:
Why study or do anything productive when you can over share and make all of your friends (and randos) uncomfortable? Instead of unleashing your emotional trauma and issues on your mom or your non-existent boyfriend, you could whisper it to your friends while attempting to cram for your midterm exams. Instead of making that dreaded appointment that will probably be far too late into the semester as to account for your several mental breakdowns, you could openly proclaim your depression to your study buddies or lab partners while at Homer B any day.
4.) While waiting in line at Parking Services:
There’s probably a really good reason for you to be waiting in line at Parking Services. But there’s actually, usually probably not. While waiting to deal with the bullshit Parking Services is about to yeet at you, you could turn to the person behind you and engage in some friendly conversation or banter. A trendy conversational topic right now is depression! Make everyone in Parking Services aware of your condition and maybe even use it as a reason to appeal your parking tickets. Maybe being depressed has its perks! Instead of paying money to see a professional at Health Services, you could be scamming Parking Services.
3.) Loudly yell it at the North Eagleville construction:
While walking to class in the now cold and windy conditions, it is always so refreshing to be greeted by the wonderful spectacle that is the construction on North Eagleville Road. As construction men work hard to create an atmosphere of chaos, loud beeping and clanking noises, you could fight back by loudly yelling that you have depression, and try to harmonize with the sound of a truck backing up. Not only would this be super cathartic but you would also add to the aura of defeat and hopelessness in the area of construction, and people would honestly sympathize with your claims. Who needs health services when you have the sympathy of a few construction men?
2.) At Bookworms when the cashier says you ran out of points:
This is the ultimate tipping point for many students, as the need for coffee exponentially grows as the semester progresses, and the amount of points you have rapidly dwindles. This is the perfect time to announce that you have depression. With no more points left, it seems you have lost any hope and will to live that was left in you, and you simply cannot make it through your next class without a cappuccino.
1.) In the swing journal at Mirror Lake:
Did you know that by the swings at Mirror Lake there is a swing journal in a little box? While sitting on the “Be Happy” and “You’re Awesome” swings, you could openly proclaim and write about your depression in the swing journal. You could also map out the trajectory of your body if you were to yeet yourself into Mirror Lake, or write an open letter to the overbooked Health Services, or even Susan herself. The possibilities are endless!
Depression sucks, but there’s nothing like going to your favorite ratchet places on campus to lift your spirits up! And so Huskies, pet some emotional support dogs and tell someone you have depression today! (Seriously if it’s booked and you need someone to talk to just go here.)
Play the game: Dog Toy or Sex Toy!