“SUBOG?” you’re probably saying right now. Like those people who stand on Fairfield and make you spin a wheel so you can add to your infinitely growing collection of free t-shirts? What could they possibly be doing now? Just this year they’ve already had like 100 people waiting in line for free ice-cream sundaes (which we tried btw) and given out more than enough free merch, s/o to their university funding. So realistically, what could they be doing that they haven’t already done. OH HUSKIES, take a seat and buckle up because we’re about shake you to your core.
Our crack team of not-drunk journalists, being the sneakiest of all detective teams out there, were able to break one very loose-lipped SUBOG board member to get THE ultimate scoop, and because we love our people (that’s y’all) and have literally zero journalistic standards, we’re going to let it fly.
So obviously we’re all quite familiar with the Spring Concert incident of last semester, where a certain Lil Uzi Vert said a big “fuck you” to everyone waiting in the rain to get into Gampel. Not only was there outrage over the loss of our Spring Concert, but all of the people who shelled out upwards of $50 to buy the tickets being sold on Buy or Sell were left salty with empty pockets and wallets.
You may remember that the concert was supposed to have an opener by the name of Amine. You know, the mans behind everyone’s favorite lady, the mighty fine Caroline. Ring a bell? Okay soOoOo, it turns out that SUBOG is getting him to have a little show at Toad’s on October 20th!!1!
Our sources confirm that SUBOG has bought approximately 150 tickets to the show, and is planning on giving them out FO’ FREE. This is planned for sometime in the coming week to 150 lucky Huskies. Supposedly SUBOG wants to make sure that the lucky ones are real fans who are actually looking to enjoy the show, not just “have another reason to get wasted.” But, you know, shit happens.
Basically, get ready to stand in one of the famous SUBOG lines trying to memorize the lyrics to his songs, because “SHE’S A BAD THANG, FINE AS HELL, THICC AS FUCK, OH MY GOD, THAT’S MY BABY,” is not finna be the answer unless you’re lucky as hell. All we’re saying is start brushing up on your Amine, because you don’t want to stand in that line if we’re gonna catch you on the flip side empty handed.
Apparently the tickets come with a free shuttle ride there and back, since Toad’s isn’t Ted’s. But think about it, a shuttle there AND back means no having to throw your DD fives for gas or making someone suffer through a dry night at Toad’s. Not bad.
Gone are the nights of lying awake wondering what you could’ve done to deserve the hot mess that the spring concert became. No more wondering what it would’ve been like to scream “Caroline” at Amine or see Uzi’s shoulder shimmy live. Okay maybe you’ll still miss that part but something’s better than nothing. Thank you SUBOG, honestly, and sorry we’re leaking this before you could. Here at the Black Sheep we commend you both for your commitment to making up for your shortcoming and for your lack of secrecy, not unlike our writers’ collective sex lives. We’ve seen a lot of things coming, but this was for sure not one of them. See y’all at the show!
In the meantime, listen to our podcast!