World renowned rapper 2 Chainz, a.k.a. Tity Boi, will be performing at the Mullins Center this weekend. To galvanize the community for his appearance, the artist has decided to purchase Sunset Grill and Pizza and transform it into a premiere lean outlet in honor of his 2011 EP “Codeine Cowboy.”
Chainz, a 39 year old from College Park, Georgia, has been crafting rhymes for nearly two decades. With hits like “Birthday Song” and “I’m Different,” 2 Chainz has become a household name. At this point in his career, he thought it’d be best to finally give something back to his fans and try his luck with an unconventional business venture.
“I’ve been rapping about promethazine longer than most of you even heard of a double cup. I’m an old man now, so I don’t touch that shit,” he claimed. “It fucks with my flow. But I really wanted to give the fans what they wanted. Now, if you’re looking for some of that Dirty Sprite, you can walk down the street- Sunset Ave, and I can get paid.”
University officials have not yet commented on the prospect of an unsanctioned ‘pharmacy’ opening just off of campus, but sources say that many are internally thrilled that the ‘Amherst Works’ program is providing the opportunities for yet another small business to thrive in the bustling town.
Students are equally thrilled that the ever-empty Sunset Grille will be replaced by a store much more suited to their partying and codeine needs.
Sam Smith, a sophomore living in Cance this semester, can’t wait to walk up the hill and get his hands on some of 2 Chainz’s special purple drank. He even has his styrofoam cups washed and ready to go.
“When I heard the Codeine Cowboy himself was coming to Amherst, I knew something huge was going to happen. Only in my wildest dreams did I think I’d have the opportunity to buy branded codeine at a reasonable price in a wholesome location. Thanks Tity Boi!” he said.
2 Chainz is also currently negotiating with the food delivery app Grub Hub in an effort to develop a delivery service from his Amherst location. The goal is to ensure thirsty citizens can get ‘slizzard’ whenever they want, from the comfort of their own home.
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