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5 Crimes Probably Committed at Blarney 2017


Blarney 2017 was unequivocally the best party day in the history of UMass and several students are saying that it put all other Blarneys to shame. People all over the town took place in an occasion of epic proportions, and no one can deny the craziness that occurred. When it was all said and done, however, there was a little more of a fallout than just a couple Busch Lights on the ground. Arrests were made and while it was difficult to sift through all of them, these are without a doubt the sickest crimes that were committed.


5.) Abigail O’Connor- 18 – Gambling:

While walking to the Studio Arts bus stop, O’Connor was overheard by an undercover cop saying, “I bet you that the bus is too crowded for us to take.” The officer promptly arrested her for possibly violating the Illegal Gambling Act of 1970. Her purse was then searched, where the officer found a single nip of Smirnoff, prompting him to call in backup.


4.) Aidan O’Shaughnessy- 20 – Identity Fraud:

Aidan was acting a little too suspicious when he went to Amherst Market at 9 a.m Saturday morning and ended up paying the price. He had remembered his fake ID from front to back, and he flawlessly executed purchasing alcohol a whole four times. However, his reign had to come to an end. Aidan accidentally recited the wrong address which ultimately led the cashier to call the cops. A S.W.A.T. team came moments later. 


3.) Patrick O’Malley- 19 – Juvenile Marijuana Possession:

When people zig, Patrick zags. Rather than participating in drinking, Patrick notoriously opts for weed every time. Sources say Patrick was thrilled for Blarney this year because he had rolled three joints of Amherst Sour in preparation to bother everyone who was only trying to drink. His plan was working well at first, but while smoking the second out of his three pre rolled jays with all of his new found ‘friends’ a drug sniffing dog dragged him out of the crowd, checked his ID and ended the O’Malley story.


2.) Sean O’Donnell- 20 – Indecent Exposure:

Despite the extremely cold weather, Sean O’Donnell still found a way to do his favorite drunk activity this Blarney: streaking. O’Donnell was found streaking at McGuirk at approximately 6 p.m. While a hoard of police had trouble containing O’Donnell, he seemed more focused on other aspects of the event. “It was really cold, it’s normally bigger,” is all he had to say on the matter.


1.) Julia O’Connell- 17 – Jaywalking:

Everyone’s been there. You’re on one side of the road, your friends are on the other. Julia thought that she had the perfect solution to this issue. She astutely waited for the cars to pass, then ferociously ran across North Pleasant St. to get to her friends. Eyewitnesses said that there was not even a crosswalk in sight but alas, she went for it anyway. It was Blarney after all. Obviously, that excuse didn’t fly for the UMPD cop who keenly caught her right in the act, forcibly detaining her and her manic behavior.

Blarney was rough, and it’s no secret that we couldn’t all make it out alive. Some of us are simply a lot more strong willed than others. 

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