Well, it’s October and it’s time for all the ghouls and goblins to come out. UMass has had quite a history with the ~spooks~ of this month and unfortunately, that means students are going to have to keep their eyes out for any dangerous situations. To avoid these terrors, students should stay away these creepy locations:
5.) The 13th Floor of DuBois:
Obviously, the 13th floor is already something to keep tabs on because that number for some reason is cursed, but this floor has genuinely been under construction for like four years. While construction is not a rarity on campus, it’s a little peculiar that it’s been happening on the 13th floor for so long. Could it be a lair? A dungeon? Nothing at all? We wouldn’t want to find out.
4.) The Southwest tunnel:
It’s hard to say which is scarier: the ‘clowns’ that were roaming around UMass last year or the groupthink that happened when UMass students decided to form a militia to fend off the one or two clowns that “allegedly” were in Amherst. Seemingly hundreds of baseball bat toting crime fighters went out into the night through the Southwest tunnel and tried to defend their campus. Seeing the tunnel filled with all the frightened Minuteman is a sight that will spook any normal warm bodied human.
3.) The Herter-Bartlett tunnel:
This tunnel serves a weird purpose of saving people like 20 seconds of walking in the cold. Functionality aside, the tunnel is a creepy place. Flickering lights and poorly maintained paint characterize the shaft of doom. The cylinder then ciphers everyone into a weirdly abandoned academic basement that’s always excruciatingly hot and it leads us to believe that the tunnel itself could have something to do with the devil. We also know someone who peed there so that’s, uh pretty spooky.
2.) The unnamed building next to Tobin:
Based on this reddit post, there seems to be some borderline illegal monkey activity going on here. There’s 24-hour security and a world-class security system consisting of that one security guard. Weird shit’s going on and it’s actually a little concerning that these Ebola slangin’ monkeys are hanging around on campus.
1.) McGuirk Stadium:
HAHA get it! Our football team puts out a spooky product! How can a school with so many people not win a game? It’s sooooo spooky. At least our hockey team is supposed to be good. Right?
Stay safe this October. You don’t want to end up like JQA or any of the other presidents we name our residential areas after, because they’re dead.
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