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5 UMass Campus Employees Who Take Their Jobs WAY Too Seriously

The University of Massachusetts Amherst is a big school, and as a result, they employ hundreds, possibly even thousands of workers. Everything from professors to janitors, to some guy who’s only job is to make sure the dining halls serve lentils are working around here. While some jobs definitely have more power than others, even the smallest amounts of authority can certainly go to someone’s head pretty quick. With that being said, here’s a definitive, totally non-subjective list of the people who take their jobs way too seriously.

5.) Graduate TAs:
Graduate TAs are like the kids who got to be hall monitor in 5th grade. They have almost no authority, but if you fuck with them, the person with real authority will be pissed. Not all Grad TAs are bad, some of them are actually pretty chill. But they can make or break your experience in a class and they’ll usually break it if we’re being honest.

4.) Dorm security guards:
From forcing you to stand behind the counter to taking down your social security, these tan-ly dressed guards will exercise their power in many ways. If you have more than 4 friends, these people will be in your way. Don’t try to cross them though, as they’re authorized to use their walkie-talkies. Also, they have technical difficulties a lot, that’s annoying. Right? 

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3.) Mullins Center security:
Does anyone really need a thorough pat-down every time they go watch UMass basketball lose? What could anyone possibly be hiding? Alcohol? No, that’s ridiculous. One thing’s for certain, though: when you have to go through Jack Bauer, Tony Stark, and Tom Cruise from Mission Impossible just to get into a game, it kind of ruins the experience. Could be why there’s like, maybe 24 kids at every game? Just a thought.

2.) Freshmen dorm RAs:
RAs are like older siblings, but if your older sibling was a huge narc. If it weren’t for RAs, freshmen wouldn’t have to go MacGyver just to smoke weed in their rooms. Though this builds character and teaches intuitiveness, it would be way easier if you could just get ripped and not care whether or not the entire building now smells like a dispensary. Weed’s legal, people forget!

1.) Grab n’ Go check out people:
These people make the top of the list. Have you ever tried to take five sandwiches from Frank Grab n’ Go, plus two slices of pizza and a few of those milks, then had the workers blow up your spot? Then yeah, you know exactly why they make the top of the list. Most are just students, so it’s amazing how little compassion they have for their classmates who have the munchies are just trying to get food before class.

If you have any one of these jobs, you need to, like chill okay? You’re going to graduate eventually, and then you’re going to feel like a big dummy when you remember trying to keep a freshman from sneaking an extra person into their dorm.

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