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6 Reasons To Be Thankful You Don’t Go To UNH

It’s finally the time of year where folks sit down for a big family meal and reflect on what they’re thankful for in their lives. So while you’re stuffing your face with turkey and potatoes think about the one thing you should be most thankful for; choosing Umass over UNH. If you’re a UMass Amherst student, you have plenty of reasons to be thankful that you aren’t enrolled in that dump.

6.) We Pay Half The Tuition For The Same Experience. Cha-Ching $$$:
UNH costs $46,000 a year to attend for out of state students. UMass Amherst costs $28,000 a year for out of state students. Why pay double the money just to get drunk in the same fields or receive the same piece of paper on graduation day? No brainer. Be thankful for your full pockets, Massachusetts residents.

5.) Our Football Team Is Better Than Theirs… Somehow:
Sure, UMass Amherst had that abysmal 40-point blowout loss against Notre Dame last year. So what? Big Deal. UMass Amherst is actually allowed to play Notre Dame because they’re a Division I team! UNH might as well be a minor league squad in comparison. Be thankful for our legitimate athletes.

4.) UMass Amherst Dining:
According to the Princeton Review, UMass Amherst has the number one dining program in the country. While UNH does have an award winning dining program, it’s three dining halls just don’t quite match up with UMass’ four. As Ricky Bobby once said, “if you ain’t first you’re last.”

3.) The A-10 Is a Real Conference:
UMass Amherst’s athletic programs reside in the Atlantic-10 conference with major Division I programs like Virginia Commonwealth University, and Dayton. On the other hand, UNH competes against lightweights like the Albany Great Danes and the Stony Brook Seawolves. What the hell is a seawolf? This conference sounds like it’s made up of a bunch of ridiculously named babies.

2.) Durham, New Hampshire is Considered One of the Safest College Towns…Lame:
The UNH campus is located in the town of Durham, New Hampshire, which happens to be one of the safest college towns in America. Do you really want your college experience to be protected in bubble wrap? Are you really worried about getting hit by cars in the crosswalk? Hell no. That’s why we go to school in 2016’s fourth best college town. It’s not the safest, but it is the best.

1.) Subbaswammy is Our Boy:
The number one reason to be thankful you don’t attend UNH is none other than our fearless leader, Kumble Subbaswamy. Who else blends endless quirkiness with compassionate leadership better than our own chancellor? The man has become a meme of his own, and for that, we should all be grateful.

Remember, when you’re sitting down at the dinner table this Thanksgiving, it isn’t just your family and friends you should be thankful for. Consider yourself lucky for getting to attend such a lovely university, and not that mediocre and over-priced crap-hole that is UNH. 

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