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Booze Review: Watermelon Rubinoff

Rubinoff. The name conjures scenes of vomit, painted over rolling New England landscapes. For every high schooler with a fake ID, and every high school freshman with an older sibling, Rubinoff has always been there. Now that we’re in college, Rubinoff remains as the old staple, the best friend to call when things get dark. This review should help you regain your love for the vodka that’s always been at your side.

Grade: A+

Smells Like:
Watermelon Jolly Ranchers soaked in Purell

Tastes Like:
Fire and a deep roaring in the pit of your stomach followed by a flat, vaguely watermelon flavor.

Intoxication Level:
Depends how much you drink, but could be anywhere between mildly inappropriate behavior at an aunt’s wedding and lying face down on the floor while your heart pumps its final beat.

Typical Drinkers:
– UMass students paying fealty to their home brand
– Homeless people
– Your sibling when they went here
– You, probably
– Watermelon enthusiasts

User Comments:
– “It tastes alright, I guess?”
– “How many shots are in a water bottle? That many.”
– “Watermelon is better than raspberry.”
– “This one is my favorite.”

Best Described as a Drink Superior to:
Other, lesser flavors of Rubinoff and that gross mix of alcohol you used to steal from your parent’s liquor cabinet.

Will I Die?:
No, not if you’re from Mass.

Would it Make a Good Christmas Present?:
Only for your best friend with whom you have a joke-y type relationship. With anyone else, no. It would be considered rude.

We Mixed It With:
If you pour it in a sliced watermelon and set it on ice and it could be pretty good. Also goes well straight if chased with any sort of fruit juice. (Well, good enough.)

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