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How to JUUL in Class Like a True Minuteman

JUULing: campus epidemic, or hot new trend? While JUULs may seem cool and flashy, who are we to say? Whether on the go or in Marcus 131, you may want a JUUL rip whenever you see someone enjoying their own. The need is all encompassing, so fuck going to the bathroom mid-lecture and shove that vapor stick in your mouth right now:

6.) Hide in a dark corner so as not to be seen by anyone:
People hide when they’re ashamed, and the dark corner of that one really nice and large lecture hall in the ILC –N something?– is perfect to hide your embarrassment as you chief your JUUL. The corner of this particular lecture hall may afford you a height advantage, allowing you to watch others from a literal perch and a metaphorical pedestal.

5.) Smoke cigarettes instead:
Let’s get real, the rush you’re getting from your JUUL is sweet, sweet nicotine, not magic fuck boi juice. In prehistoric days, nicotine required cigarettes. So if you’re already sick of being that person who Juuls in class, try switching over to cigarettes. Think about it. They’re cooler, taste better, and have plenty of smoke to practice blowing Os. Imagine how cool your crush will think you are when they see you giving a big middle finger to your health by lighting one of these bad boys. Irresistible.

4.) Blow it into your sock:
Most folks tend to puff the vapor from their JUUL down a sleeve. Some people prefer their right sleeve, others the left. This is never inconspicuous, because let’s be honest, the smoke’s gonna puff through. Avoid this by blowing it down your sock. Onlookers will think, “Hey they’re not JUULing, they’re just tying their shoes! Lay off!”

3.) Offer your JUUL to those seated around you:
To most, the fear of JUULing in class stems from looking like a total douchebag (and looking like an addict). A total douchebag addict, addicted to being a douchebag. Quash this worry by loudly offering your JUUL to neighbors. That way your classmates will know you’re not a douchebag, nor are you addicted. What kind of douchebag addict offers their JUUL to random strangers? A pretty nice one that’s for sure.

2.) Get out your soapbox and preach JUULing to the class:
Walk in to the room and commandeer the lecture by stepping up to proudly announce to the class that you will be JUULing the entire time the professor is lecturing about the law of diminishing returns. Then, point out where you intend to sit. By doing this the class will be reasonably expecting tufts of vapor every now and then, and you might attract some other cool kids who want to JUUL with their own kind. A great opportunity to make some new friends maybe.

1.) Just fucking skip class. You NEED to JUUL:
JUUL in your bed. JUUL until you feel like vomiting. JUUL until you vomit. JUUL all day, JULL all night, die in your sleep, JUULing just right.

You could be one of those assholes who coughs loudly whenever you’re about to take a hit, or you could supplement JUULs with cigarettes, and then cigarettes with dip. To avoid getting caught dipping in class, spit into your hand and then wipe your hand on your jeans. The list could go on forever, just remember that it’s your goddamn right as a Minuteman to chase that nicotine buzz into an early grave.

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