Lurking in the depths of the Campus Center, hidden in the shallows of student passersby, in the heart of Blue Wall, lives the trashiest beast in all of Western Massachusetts. No, sadly, we aren’t talking about your hook up from last semester, but instead the mysteriously aloof Blue Wall Trash Monster.
It’s often said that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, but what do you treasure if you’re already trash? Attempts to learn more about other famous legends such as The Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch, or the Electoral College often blur the lines between reality and fantasy. The Blue Wall Trash Monster seems to echo eerily similar themes for the UMass Amherst community. On-going inquiries into the monster’s origins are underway by many campus agencies.
The Trash Monster has currently made its home in Blue Wall, however conspiracy theorist and UMass sophomore, Amy David, believes it has “set up booby traps.” Amy provided The Black Sheep with an exclusive picture of one of these so called “ambush sites,” located in Roots Café. In the picture a sign above the middle trash can requests students to impossibly recycle square pizza boxes into a circular shaped receptacle. UMass Police Department was unable to confirm if this was indeed a booby trap set up by the Blue Wall Trash Monster, or just a standard UMass dining sign.
Its birth name is not publicly known, but the UMPD claims the Blue Wall Trash Monster has gone under such aliases as Trashley Tisdale, Blue Ivy Carter, Rubbishney Spears, and Kim Garbashian.
Mass hysteria began to spread this past week when UMass Senior, Brett Dalton, received a note (pictured below) inside his to-go box from Famous Famiglia in Blue Wall. It’s not clear at this time if the note has been connected back to the Blue Wall Trash Monster
Although the Blue Wall Trash Monster resembles a statue representation of many pieces of garbage piled together in the shape of a dinosaur, it is in fact a live creature. Even with signs adjacent to the BWTM warning students to not “feed the monster,” it’s said that the BWTM feeds off of the energy transferred from students enraged by long lines, frustrated over sandwich price inflation, or overly stressed about the difference between recycling and composting.
A spokesperson from Blue Wall told us that it is not yet known what triggers the BWTM out of its frozen state.
Although many patrons have accepted its presence in the dining area as normal, little is still known about the creature itself, but there is much to be feared. While we’ve thoroughly investigated the Blue Wall Trash Monster, we still urge you to keep asking hard-hitting questions in pursuit of the full truth.
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