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UMass Students Protest Sexism in TotMAN and BOYden Gyms

Students all over UMass are outraged after a recent revelation has come to light. In a possible conspiracy that effects all facets of UMass’ super successful athletics, people have found that two of the university’s most prestigious gyms are in fact sexist. TotMAN and BOYden gyms both have direct references to only males in their names, giving them serious sexist implications.

Several students have begun BOYcotting the gyms and have started to a petition for the university to change their names. It is a bad time for the athletic department, as they were looking forward to taking in the hordes of students who felt bad about their beach bod when they were in Punta Cana over spring break.

“A name change is out of the question. These luxurious gyms have stood with these names for decades and will not change now,” said UMass Athletic Director, Ryan Bamford. “They are named after Minutemen who were, like, probably really important to UMass, or paid a lot of money to the school.”

While no one can deny the importance of Totman and Boyden, people are still unhappy with that response. Gyms have long been a place of hyper-masculinity and inaudible man noises, but people want some reform. Changing the male dominated names should work directly with making gyms more comfortable for all sexes. Several student-athletes want a more inclusive environment and the lack of action from the staff is creating a void between the two groups.

Senior Rex Steeze had an interesting take on the whole ordeal, and has since decided to side with the staff: “These snowflakes are making the name a bigger deal than it has to be. The gym is a sacred place for all types, and I love everything about it. Where else can I let out semi-erotic grunts and throw down ninety–I mean two hundred pound weights? Anyone who disagrees can go do CrossFit on the hills. Boyden and Totman are here to stay.”

While Steeze and the staff may have the power in this situation, it’s going to be hard to ignore all the outrage. Plans are being made for a walkout to be staged at 2 p.m. this Friday in front of the Rec Center and that move is surely going to force Bamford and his associates’ hand.

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