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The Black Sheep REALLY ACTUALLY Interviews The Didgeridude

The Black Sheep UMass had the pleasure of interviewing the esteemed Didgeridude, and we held a long conversation with a friendly face. Here are some highlights:

The Black Sheep: If we were a didgeridoo aficionado, what would our impression of your didgeridoo be?

Digeridude: An aficionado would look at this and say “aw that’s a plastic hunka junk. But on further inspection, this is acrylic. Its covered in foam with a foam mouthpiece, no flaring at the end for good back flow. I clean it after every single time I take it out. I put it in the shower, put the head right up against it, and then just slowly spin it.

TBS: So you’re in the shower with the didgeridoo…

Digeridude: My clothes are on.

TBS: It’s looking good, wet, steamy… do you ever think about it?

Digeridude: No you see I don’t like anything near my bottom end, I’m just not about it. And if you’re thinking the other way with the hole right here, it’s a bit sharp. I wouldn’t even attempt. I mean it’s big, its definitely gonna accommodate…I don’t want to put my mouth where I put my dick…

TBS: Would you possibly give it away after you graduate?

Digeridude: I am a senior, so maybe next year somebody will step up. I might have a cousin who might get accepted next year. I’d give it to a relative.

TBS: Ok, so no strangers? Keep it in the family.

Digeridude: Yeah, I try to keep by one rule: be a gentleman. If I hand it off to a guy and then he starts saying like, “I’m the didgeridoo guy, fuck me!” I would be like…you gotta be subtle.

TBS: Has that line ever worked for you in the past?

Digeridude: I try not to use it.

TBS: What would it take for you to smash someone in the face with the didgeridoo?

Digeridude: I’m carrying a safety pin on me, and that’s really all I need.

TBS: Have you ever had to use it?

Digeridude: Thankfully no. I’m a lover, not a fighter. If my back’s up against the wall, I’ll stab someone with a safety pin.

TBS: Do you ever feel pressure when all the cameras are pointed at you, everyone’s looking?

Digeridude: I don’t feel pressure when the cameras are pointed at me. Sometimes people will come up to me on campus and ask, “Why don’t you have the didgeridoo?” and I’m like, “Cause it’s not a party!” Graduation will be a hard day. Well, the last day drink will be a harder day.

TBS: What else do you bring out to a party?

Digeridude: My blazer. I wear it because it has pockets. In these pockets ill usually have: my phone, my carrying container for all sorts of stuff, my mustache combing kit –mirror, clippers, a little bit of vaseline–my portable charger, a condom, and a CamelBak of water.

Most people just give me alcohol at parties. I used to have this bottle full with whiskey, but after people come up to you and say “can I put a beer down this” and have you drink it, you learn that you shouldn’t the carrying more alcohol on you.

TBS: Has the didgeridoo paid for itself in alcohol?

Digeridude: I spent $40 on this. And by that, yes. But I value this particular didgeridoo more than most things. I mean I don’t value it more than my academic career, but I value it more than my phone.

TBS: Do you trust Venmo?

Digeridude: I kinda barely trust Venmo, I use Snapcash. I mean if you trust Snapchat with your nudes, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t trust Snapchat with your credit card.

TBS: Well, how valuable are your nudes?

Digeridude: I value my nudes more than my credit card. I can cancel my credit card.

TBS: Can’t cancel your nudes.

Digeridude: I mean there are a couple pictures out there with my nips up, but I’m a strong believer in free the nip.

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