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Truly Haunting: ‘I Saw It With My Own Eyes,’ Says Student Upon Discovery Of Sylvan

Steven Mills, an Isenberg sophomore who lives in a Southwest tower, claimed that he was stumbling around campus this past Saturday night, delirious after playing too much Fortnite claimed he spotted what he believed to be Sylvan Residential Area.

“So, I’m near the north apartments, thinking about the sick fucking victory I just earned, when suddenly I see these odd geometric structures,” Mills stated. “I didn’t know what to make of them at first, but then I remembered someone telling me about this place… Shit I forget the name. Silkman? Silicone? Yeah, that one.”

UMass campus experts are still analyzing Mills photographs to determine whether he actually discovered this elusive semi-circle of buildings. Many students have claimed to have spotted Sylvan only to be informed that their photographic evidence is of three brown rocks sitting near each other. However, Mills’ detailed description of his experience indicates that his claims may have merit.

“It was crazy man. I could have sworn that when I got close some sort of ghostly figure approached me and asked if I wanted to anything to eat. I was starving after those Fortnite rounds, but all he had available was cold melted cheese on a plate.” Investigators later deduced that Mills may have accidentally found the Sylvan Snack Bar.

If proven true, Mills’ discovery would help to shed some light on just what Sylvan is exactly. A recent poll showed that 68% percent of UMass students believe Sylvan to be a burial ground for deceased transfer students. Others believe that the word “Sylvan” represents the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Mills, who is still in shock after what may have been a close encounter, is being taken in for further questioning to ensure that this event won’t have long term effects on him.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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