Recent rumblings from UMass Dining Services suggest that this year’s Halloween’s ‘All Treats’ event will be changed to ‘All Tricks’, in an attempt to spook the student body.
Auxiliary Enterprises director Ken Toong took to the podium last Wednesday, clad in a tie decorated with thousands of tiny skulls, to announce a series of subtle changes he would be enacting to make this Halloween more memorable.
“‘All Treats, No Tricks’ this year will have a different type of spin,” Toong said. “We’re thinking bigger, with more screaming, and ten times the spookiness.”
But what exactly does ‘All Tricks, No Treats’ look like in this day and age? Are we to expect some large pumpkin ambling out of the shadows behind the salad bar to grab people? Will there be an altar of freshly carved bones, decked out with skulls to serve as the DJ booth?
An anonymous Dining Services worker cued us in on what the weekend’s themes would be, saying, “He intends to serve the lobsters live, to unleash a swarm of vampire bats on the diners in Berk, and to do something so unspeakable I won’t mention it. Let’s just say the punch will be flavored with some sort of bodily fluid.”
Where Toong would acquire the supposed swarm of vampire bats is up for debate, as vampire bats aren’t native to the Pioneer Valley, after all.
“Yeah like on Amazon you can buy thousands of vampire bat eggs for only like 8 bucks, so that’s probably where he’s getting them,” said sophomore zoology major,Erica Wrightsfeld. “He could easily ship them to Berk, too, shipping’s hella cheap.”
So, in addition to putting on your cat costume, you can now look forward to possibly being eaten by bats while waiting for stir-fry.
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